Today is his birthday...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Today is his birthday...........
3
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 6:32pm
I am just sad. That's all there is to it. It's been NC since 10/22/03 and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wake up without a knot in my stomach. I wonder when it will go away or if it ever will. I feel like crap for what transpired between us at the end. I wonder if he feels the same or if it really is true - I was side action and meant nothing. I still am 50/50 either way. Maybe he really did mean it. Or maybe he didn't. What I do know for sure is that I want to feel that way again in my life.

So I didn't contact him to tell him "Happy Birthday" and I won't wish him a "Merry Christmas" either. I'll just say them to the stars and hope he feels me still. If and when he's single is when he'll hear those things (and more!) in person. Until then, I'm history. Man, this sucks. This situation. Why oh why did I do this to myself?

ILLE

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:02pm
Hang in there luv! I know how you are feeling right now. December 6 was our one year anniversary and his birthday is on January 3. My birthday was in May and he came down and surprised me (it was a long distance affair) with a candle lit room, gifts, it was so wonderful... actually the best birthday I had EVER had. My H didn't even get me a card!!! Anyway, so it's hard remembering what he did for me for my birthday and knowing that I can't or won't even be able to just say the words "Happy Birthday". Thank you for sharing that you just tell those words to the stars in hopes that he feels them... I guess I am in the same boat and will do the same.

Hang in there!! We WILL get through this!

HUGS!!!!

~Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:06am
Hi ILLE,

It sounds like we are on a similar time frame....NC for me since 10-28-03. My A also ended on a bad note (I guess most of them do). We had an ugly phone conversation, each yelled "goodbye," slammed down the phone, and that was it. I did write him a final "goodbye" E-mail, which he did not respond to. I thought I was doing pretty good, but the pain has increased for me lately with Christmas approaching. Things were great between us last December, so the memories are hitting me really hard right now.

I know, it hurts to think XMM and I won't even wish each other a Merry Christmas this year. But, the holidays will pass, and we will make it. I hope the hurt starts to lessen soon for you. In the mean time, keep posting here....I think I would have broken NC a long time ago if not for the great people here. Hugs to you ~ mpjcmom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:19am
ILLE, when you figure out "Why oh why did I do this to myself?" please do let me know because that is ONE question that I still can't answer for myself!

As for the way MM feels, obviously none of know but if it helps you any, I'm certain he's going through much same as you and all the rest of us.

Actually, sometimes, it's better NOT to know what they truly feel! I made the mistake of badgering xMM about everything and he finally told me that yes, he'll miss me, I'll always have a special part of his heart ...... and that was comforting but he also said it was side action that took his mind away from dealing with his daily life which 5 years ago, made him miserable beyond belief.....today, he's content living that same life!

GO FIGURE!

There will be lots of birthdays, holidays and special dates that will continue to be reminders but you're right, until he's single....you have your own life to live!

MAKE THE BEST OF IT!