Is this possible to be "just friends"
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| Thu, 12-18-2003 - 2:24pm |
We talked a bit after coming to this agreement and MM said he had to go and would call back in 10 minutes. No call, but that's okay. Days later he calls to see how I'm doing. The conversation was brief and I told him I was having lunch w/ a mutual acquaintance. He said he wanted to join us which he did. During lunch I tried not to look at him in his eyes because I lose it. He then wanted to meet after lunch alone. I know what that meant and I said I couldn't. I plan to stick to my guns this time.
Is it possible to be "just friends" and end the sexual side once that line has been crossed? We do have a special love for eachother but we know it is something that is for the moment only, a fantasy, and going nowhere. I feel strong today, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Also, EMA would have been 2 years in a few months.
Is NC the only way to end EMAs?

Edited 10/1/2004 6:32 pm ET ET by sally289
Yes, it is possible to go back to just friends. I have done so myself with several of the OW's in my life.
It takes maturity and civility. And some space at the beginning to allow yourself to re-adjust....so you can look at him in the eyes and not "loose it.
NC isn't "always" the only way to end an affair and sometimes people can't avoid contact due to work situations, etc. That's where the maturity and civility come to play. At least that's what happened with me.
I wish you well in your re-adjustment of your friendship and I hope you are able to re-establish the friendship where it was.....
jmhoo,
cl-nre
I must warn you though, that it is very very hard. Going through this let's just be friends thing was extremely difficult and painful for me, because itr's so hard when I care so much for him, and I can understand why NC is the best way to go. But if you work with your ex like I do, NC is impossible, and we just have to be strong. Minimal contact is one way to go about it, but sometimes I think minimal contact is more painful than NC.
Like me, you may want to get things off your chest and pour your heart out to him, or at times you may be angry with him just for being busy with work, or you may wish you could hang out together more often, but on hindsight minimal contact was his way of forcing us to get over each other.
I'm much happier than I used to be, and although I feel a sense of loss at what 'might have been', I am grateful that we are still friends because his friendship is important to me.
Good for you in sticking to your guns. You have to believe that it IS possible, as long as BOTH sides are disciplined. I like to visualise the two of us still friends in 20 years time, and I know that that would only be possible if we don't let things develop sexually. So that gives me some strength. When it doesn't, I go for a jog :-)
You'll do fine, you sound like a sensible, strong person. We need you around here to give the rest of us strength.
It's good to know that it has actually worked for you, NR, and I agree, it takes a measure of maturity and civility. I am the stronger between MM and I and so when we made this "hands off" agreement I told him that when he weakened (which he always has in the past) that I would not succumb and if he could do the same (even tho I know it'd piss me off so I won't go there). It's funny because he said "you don't understand, this time I mean it" and what happens a week later ... He is a very sexual man and I told him he has a roving eye (amongst other body parts) which will get him in trouble if he doesn't control his sexual appetite.
Ok, now I'm rambling. Today we're supposed to go shopping, in the company of his best friend, who is my friend to (who also happens to have a crush on me). This friend loves to flirt w/ me and doesn't have a clue about MM and I. This ought to be interesting ... and fun. We'll shop, have lunch, and flirt (which I love to do).
Happy holidays all!
Luvin