Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad night!
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| Thu, 12-18-2003 - 9:32pm |
Well for the past 9 days I have been doing great with NC and not reading her boards. I have not really been able to feel good about doing that but I haven't been sick to my stomach in a while. I was proud that I was making progress.
Anyway...... Remember when I was calling my XMM and e-mailing and stuff? Well I e-mailed the other woman that my XMM had cheated with way before he meet me. I actaully had her e-mail address cause he e-mailed her from my account while he lived here. I asked why he would get in touch with her again and he said just tosay hi nothing more. Anyway I e-mailed her and asked her were they having an affair again and do they still talk. And how did their affair end. She waited till today to respond. I am sure after she told my XMM. She said she was not going to tell me anything about him and her and that a few months ago he told her that he had meet someone he was in love with and he finally found what he was looking for. (Talking about me) Yea right whatever. She told me all she can say is he wouldn't have been with me if he didn't love me. Ok so point being this has killed me. I wish she would have just ignored me cause now I feel like crap and want to cry and crawl under the covers again and never come out.
So I e-mailed her and my XMM wife. I know I shouldn't have. I hate myself and I hate going through this and I hate he ever came into my life and is affecting me this way.
Oh and I got another payphone call the other day. I told my mom to answer the phone and not to day anything. She said you could tell that someone was ont he other line but she couldn't not say anything. I guess she said why would you pay to make a call and then not say anything. I guess he then hung up. How stupid. After I sent these e-mails I don't think he will call again and I just made myself look stupid and probably madehis wife happy that I am hurting.
Anyway just wanted to check in. Now I am going to take my mom to the movies and be miserable all night. I hate my life.
Cali~

You may be right about her being happy because you are hurting. And, that other woman is just plain crazy. These guys do not love any one but themselves. But, think about this. You are free from this loser. You are not connected to him legally or by children.
I think about my xmm wife. I just posted my story. I feel bad for her. He told me things about her and they really were not all that bad but I saw her as a person and probably a pretty good wife. Now, that I know more about him I can understand her response to him. I once told him that, too. If she knew about me, she'd probably hate me. But, I think, how could she not know. So far I know there was me and at least one other girlfriend (at the same time.) I think that you and I have that in common.
Can you chnage your numbers, emails, etc so that you will not have to wonder if and when he or one of his women might call or email. Take the possibility away. It gives you control because you are making that defintive statement. You do not want to hear form him.
Cali, you have given so many others so much encouragement. Do not email these people anymore. Do not give them the satisfaction of knowing you are in pain. Spend time this holiday with your mom and family. Start the new year fresh with out this leech draining the blood and life from you.
We all make mistakes and God knows, I have made mine. You have helped me, and so many others on this board, more than you know. We all hit bumps in this road to recovery and you have just hit a bump. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and stand tall. Who cares what his w thinks. Remember, she has to live day-to-day with this man, who may already be on to another conquest.
You backslid a little. We all do. You are stronger than you were, just pull out some of the reserves... and we know they are there!!!
You will be ok, Cali, you will!
Thinking of you.
I'm sorry this OW even wrote you back! I am glad that you're staying away from the other board and now, you must delete the OW email and go back to counting your blessings because you don't realize it......YET....but you are very lucky to have this smile ball and ALL his women out of your life!
Chin up! And, I want to see a SMILE on your face! OK?
I hope you and Mom saw a happy movie not something that will depress you more :)
Hang in there and take it one day at a time...it's already Friday!
So sorry you are having such a bad time. You had been doing so well....please don't let this slip-up completely discourage you. You have a great career, family and friends who love and care about you (including all of us here on this board!). Try to stay focused on all the positives in your life. I keep trying to tell myself, if it is meant to be, it will be. None of us knows what the future holds.....please try to enjoy the gift of life that you have been given. You DON'T need him!!! I have gotten to the point that, although I still miss what XMM and I used to have, I know that I can survive without him. I have managed to maintain NC for over 7 weeks now, and let me tell you, I am NOT a particularly strong-willed person! If I can do this, I know you can too.
Hang in there girl, and don't beat yourself up over this. You can -- and you will -- pick yourself up and move on. Sending positive vibes and hugs your way ~ mpjcmom
you're still making progress...don't let this be your setback, HES NOT WORTH IT NOR IS HIS WIFE WORTH YOU TIME, SELF DOUBT OR ENERGY.
Check your email ! I just emailed you.
What happened to the nice fireman? Lets focus our energy BACK on you. Back on you enjoying life for what it's worth. Sista... when it's over it's over.. you gotta fill your life with the positive..
I had a good day! Ultrasound! Nothing better then that. How cute.. it had little peachfuzz hair. It just made my day! The hair made me laugh... looks just like the dads. Stickin' up on top.
I can't remember who said it first but, someone told me. I probably had the best part of my XMM and I should leave it at that.
Just know you had the best part of your XMM. Keep that in your heart and know he's got nothing left to show you. Save pain and heartache.
Love, Katja