Everyone i'm okay

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Everyone i'm okay
3
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 12:22pm
I'm so sorry about posting that yesterday...that was very selfish of me and i'm sorry from the bottom of my heart.I didn't mean to worry anyone.

After i posted yesterday i turned the computer off and didn't turn it back on til right now.I went to bed and curled up into a ball and cried like i never have in my life.I could have taken anything but him telling me he's getting married.Anything but that.Last night was the lowest in my life i have ever been.I asked H to please watch the kids so i could do some x mas shopping,drove out to the lake and sat on the hood of my car all night watching the stars.I cried and screamed and cried some more.I wonder what i ever did to deserve so much pain in my life,why i have had to hurt so much when i have never hurt anyone,never been mean to anyone or rude or anything like that.What i never mentioned in any of my other posts is 2 years ago my (then) 5 yr old son became sick with an unknown type of encephalitis and almost died.He was in the hospital for 4 months,in a coma for 42 days...the Doctors all told my H and i to prepare for him to pass away.How do you prepare for that as a parent?After months of thinking i would lose my baby,he got better and we were able to bring him home.The Doctors are still amazed at his recovery.The reason i'm telling you this?Because when we brought him home,i became addicted to the internet and anything i could find on that terrible illness he had...i would spend countless hours surfing websites and medical documents,trying to learn as much as i could in case it ever returned(which they said it could)..within 2 weeks of being home with him i met OM in a chat room my niece invited me into.I never even once talked to anyone but my niece.One night OM and a friend of his were in there and his friend came to me and told me she wanted OM and i to meet.I TOLD THEM i was married but they kept on and kept on.WHY WHY WHY did they come after me??Was i a target??Why did i have to go through all that pain with my son and then go right into all this pain with HIM?I feel so helpless and dead.To make it all worse..the girl he is marrying...he told me so many times she was so homely she would wet her pants if a man even looked her damn way...she's a paper girl for their newspaper...27 yrs old..he's 41!!!!What a joke.Anyway,i'm sorry to carry on so much.I just feel blindsided.

Thank you all so much for answering my post.You have no idea how much comfort you bring me.An Xterra,does the invitation still stand for the email?You are all heaven sent!!

Love,

Solost

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 12:29pm
I am so glad you are alright. I have been checking this all morning hoping to see a post from you. There is no need to apologize either. We are here to support you, whether we post or lurk.

Stay strong, you can do it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 12:48pm
SoLost....GLAD to know you're OK. I'm also glad you shared the story about your son. I'm sorry for what you, H and son had to deal with but just like your son's illness, this pain too shall pass. There is a saying that God never gives us more than what we can deal with and at times, like you, I've screamed ENOUGH is enough already I can't take it!

Looking back, I've realized that each and every experience and tragedy has made me a stronger person....not to mention, a little bit wiser about life itself. In time, you will come to the same realization.

Don't beat yourself up over OM choice for a wife...I have a feeling that their relationship won't last too long b/c it sounds like a typical mid-life crisis but regardless, it's his choice and none of us can predict the future. It's best to walk away on good terms with no vengeance.

What you need to do now is stop crying, stop giving OM any further thought or your time because we all know he's NOT worth it! It's time to put the past in the past and deal with today and the future. Go shopping for real and concentrate on buying your son and H something very special.....and while you're at it, buy yourself something or do something that will make you smile again :)

Oh, don't apologize for worrying us...we're all friends here and friends care about each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 2:18pm
yes...email me whenever...I'm online right now ! pumpkin_pie79@hotmail.com