Should I agree to seeing xMM ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Should I agree to seeing xMM ???
9
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 3:06am
It's been over a month since we last exchanged emails. They were very cordial except that I told him I'll always remember him as a coward for saying it was easier to end everything through emails instead of in person.

The holidays must be getting to xMM b/c tonight, he sent an email wishing me happy holidays. Also said he's been thinking about how things ended and concluded it's not fair to me for him to have said it was easier to end this with emails as opposed to seeing me in person to say good-bye. He says, he owes me closure and would like to meet after the holidays!

I'm very torn about deciding if I want (or not) to see him! NO, sparks will definitely NOT fly b/c he'll make certain they don't! But what IRRITATES me to no end is his statement that he does NOT want this final meeting to be a rehashing of our 5 year relationship or for me to verbally bash him for what he put me through!

How does he expect me to get closure if I'm NOT allowed to discuss OUR relationship!!! Does he just expect to meet me for a BUDDY chat of current world events??? Then shake hands and tell him thanks without mentioning how badly he has screwed up my life!!!!

Is he truly THIS DUMB??? Or am I the real dummy for even thinking we could have a civil farewell face to face? I can't do it under HIS circumstances because even right now, I just want to blast him in an email!!! It makes me angry to realize that HE's calling all the shots even to this very END! This whole relationship has been his way and on his terms all along and I'm the idiot that always agreed! I refuse to agree to his terms this time!

If you were me....what would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 4:32am
I would not meet him! What's the point. It's over. I'd think that seeing him would only stir up all the feelings in you again. Sounds like he needs an ego boost and what better way then to see you and have you show him how much you still care by crying screaming, whatever. Also, I bet he would "let" some things happen. He likes to call the shots and be in control of everything. Let him call the shots with his wife. You've gone this long without having contact with him. Keep going. Don't respond to that email. And, if you haven't done so already block his email address so that you do not get another email from you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 7:46am
I would not meet him either. I was called the coward by my xmm because, in our many attempts at ending things, we would agree to a "final" meeting and it never went well. He was in town a few weeks ago for a job interview and I agreed to meet him for a light dinner. He said we needed closure and to end this on good terms. Dinner was very nice, but of course, it was in public. Then he asked me back to the hotel. I hesitated and he asked if I did not trust him. We wound up at the hotel, but I stopped things before they got carried away. He was very upset because he said all he wanted was "one last time to hold me", "one last time" for everything else that would have followed. I left very upset. He had already been physically gone from this area for over 3 months and even though we talked and emailed every day, I had not seen him. Seeing him opened all the wounds back up and they were raw again. I really do think it is best to just continue moving forward. Seeing him would only stroke his ego and you will be left hurt and back at square one.

Just continue on the path you have been on and leave it be.

Good luck....

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 9:22am
this is an easy one from where I'm standing....

There is NO reason to see him. He ended things like a coward, yes. I agree. But the important thing to remember is the key word ENDED. If it is over there is no reason to meet. He is being manipulative, this is a way to see you and maybe be together again or what not. DON"T DO IT! I know the temptation is great, but I am going to say it again, there is no reason to see him. Don't give me the "i need closure" crap either. Just DONT DO IT!

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 11:49pm
Survivor, IamTired and SHE.... OKAY, I won't give you the I need closure BS line...lol

I know I shouldn't see him and you ladies are right, he's looking for an ego boost! I just realized that refusing to see him, all of a sudden gives ME the control that I've never had and it does feel good!

I've bookmarked your replies so when I get weak, they can be my positive reminders!

THANKS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 9:22am
There you go!

Stay strong!

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:41am
By George I think she's got it!

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 11:18am
Isn't it amazing how much strength you can get from the people on this board. I too have re-read responses to stay strong and they help everytime. Good for you, it's your turn to call the shots.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 7:16pm

"If you were me....what would you do?"


I'd delete the email message, block him from your email accounts and not respond in any manner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 12:06pm
He doesn't "owe" you anything, but your life back. He is looking to see if he still has an affect on you, it's an ego thing. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing one way or the other. Not even that you're mad.

Me and MM have agreed we're just friends now, no more benefits, and when we agreed I forewarned him that when he weakens I want to have the resolve to say no, not just for my benefit, but for his as well, and that if I weaken I want him to do the same. He responded by saying that I'm not hearing him, because he's determined this time (like the rest of the times). In the past it would be "do you want to?" and I'd say "do you?" and he'd say "I asked you first" and the rest is history.

Fast forward 1 week: He asks me to meet privately (previous place) to which I said I no. Yes!!!!! In the past, whenever he wanted me I was there at his beck and call. It feels soooo good to be strong for a change. Each day is a challenge though and I'll have to admit, if we were alone yesterday I'd be singing a different tune. We talked on the phone but when we do meet he always brings his best and mutual friend along now as added insurance and I try to do the same. We're both really trying. Meeting alone is NOT good.

I'd respond via email and tell him thanks but you're really just too busy right now. Be cool and indifferent to him, don't show any anger if you do happen to cross paths. Like your name states, it's YOUR turn to care for yourself.

Hugs

Luvin