did i do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
did i do the right thing?
1
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 5:37am
I (22yrs old) finally broke up with my separated man 43 w/ a kid. We've been together one year and I haven't met his kid and he told me to wait 2-4 years for him to get a divorce. I loved him and the relationship was good other than the fact that we always argue about the situation. I feel like I'm last on the list and the whole thing isn't fair to me. But he hasn't really done anything wrong besides being in the situation and that's the thing that bothers me. We've had NC for 3 days and it's so hard. I almost dialed his number twice when I tried to call my Mom, it was so automatic. I miss him so much, and I keep looking at the instant messenger and my cell phone. There's a new guy friend that I'm talking to, to try to distract myself and to forget about the relationship with this guy but it's not working. I find myself thinking about him all night. I told him not to call, not to email me, and not to IM me anymore and it's over. I was really harsh about it.

Tell me I did the right thing and I should forget about it and move on.

On the other hand, I really loved him, if I waited 2-4 years for the divorce we might have something but is it worth it? He would still have his kid, and I'm not really into being a stepmom cause I want my own kids and he doesn't seem like he wants more kids. And I would still hate the Ex-wife calling at all hours and bitch about it.

I broke up with him a couple of days before christmas, and I feel so bad because he deserves something and I would hate it if someone left me before christmas. I don't know what to do. I just couldn't handle the situation anymore and I exploded and threw a huge tantrum, I guess as I cared more and more about him the situation bothers me more. It feels so hopeless and I hated being stuck in the middle of it. Give me your thoughts. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 8:43am
Hello!

Yes, I think you did the right thing. At 22 years old you are to young to wait 2 - 4 years for a married man. What if you chose to wait, the 4 long years pass by and then he asked you to wait even longer? What is his wife gets pregnant during that time? That was a very selfish thing to ask you to do!

If he is truly unhappy he owes it to his wife and child to get out now! Children sense the tension of an unhappy marriage. They grow up thinking that tension = love and repeat that in their own relationships. Only after he is out of the house and the papers have been filed should you take his call. If he RESPECTS you he will not drag you though his divorce.

Remember that statistically the chances of him leaving are VERY low. About the same odds of winning the lottery.

Anytime that your life is on HOLD you are not able to experience all the great things out there! Try to think about all the holidays you will spend with friends and family but not him.

I think about to the men I dated when I was in my early 20's and now that I am in my late 30's I realized that it didn't "work" because we outgrew each other. Your ideas and goals and plans change SO much in your 20's. I promise that one day, many years from now you will understand what I am saying.

You have heard it before but NO CONTACT is the only way to begin healing your heart. Keep yourself busy. With the holidays right around the corner it should be easy.

Good luck & Happy Holidays!

aquagirl