yes it is true. Me, the strong person who was getting past thing crap broke NC. XOM was text messaging me and I finally had enough and called, not to say hello, how are you but to tell him off. And I did. I was calm, I didn't raise my voice, and I was to the point and rational. It felt good to be in so much control, and I attribute over 6 weeks NC to that. I brought up the crappy things that he did, the lies and the stuff with this other woman and he admitted that he was a pig and what he did was dispicable. I told him that his words really meant nothing and he knew that too. He sounded really depressed, really meek and apologetic, but that is all part of his manipulation. I called him a sick man and told him that i felt pity for him, and he said he was not sick and didn't want my pity. He said he had hit rockbottom, and I told him that he didnt because someone like him always has someone to go to for comfort and doesn't hit rockbottom. He said that if i do not believe anything else, to please believe that he did love me...I told him that he did't know what love was. That his life evolved around getting laid, and that is what is more important to him. I told him that I knew he had a married woman fetish, that apparantly I was not the first and not the last although he led me to believe otherwise. He didn't put up too much of a fight, he knows that I speak the truth and he cannot say anything to defend himself. He mentioned some crap about getting his life together, going back to church and maybe sometime years down the road he could apologize to me and it mean something, or he could write a letter, I told him I didn't think so and not to bother. His words mean nothing. They will always mean nothing. Finally I got tired of hearing his nonsense and I told him I hated him and hung up. I kind of lost my composure towards the end. Bringing up things that he did brought alot of the pain back, feelings that I had suppressed.
Did telling him off make me feel better? no...it served no purpose. The only thing I can say is that maybe now he will stop trying to get in touch with me. NO more letters mailed to me or text messages on my phone. I have changed my phone number numerous times because of him, I guess if I have to then I will do it again. Do I feel like a failure for breaking NC? No...If I had called him crying that I loved him and wanted to be in a relationship with him again then I would have felt like a failure. I am stronger now and I am proud of how I handled things. Now I am only looking towards my future, and it looks bright. I am leaving this pathetic loser and his world of madness in the past where it belongs. I emailed his other married lover and told her to please leave me alone also, I had nothing to say to her I have moved on and they can have eachother. She has no need to be threatened by me any longer. The whole situation is so pathetic and almost comical at this point.
So i was ashamed to come on here and post that I broke NC, but i really felt that I had no choice given that he was not getting the point that NC means forever. Please don't post about what a failure I am. I think given the circumstances I am doing pretty well.
I am eager to move on. The hurt that he has caused will stay with me for a very long time...maybe even forever....but the important thing is that NC will help me get on with my life and away from him forver too...and that is what is most important to me at this time.
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Have a great day.
You know what song really fires me up? It's Christina A. "Thanks for makin' me a fighter." Anyway it just reminded me of what you wrote. You are a fighter... a survivor that is. Nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. He was pursuing you relentlessly from what it sounded like, maybe this will finally, finally be it... Hopefully.
I hope that your son is getting better! And that you continue to feel in charge of your life!
You deserve all the happiness..
Katja
Chin up!!
This has been such a traumatic week, and I"m really tired of being the drama queen. I can't wait for my kids and myself to be healthy again and to get back to schedule. Thanks for letting me vent, bitch, whine and complain. I'm going to be fine. We all are.
Jazzdiva
I think it is totally understandable (given the circumstances) that you broke NC. My XMM, as far as I know, is NOT trying to contact me in any way....that makes the whole NC thing a lot easier. If I saw his number on caller ID, or had an E-mail in my inbox from him, I'm not sure I'd be able to resist the temptation.
Think of your advice to Cali, regarding starting over in the new year. You did what you felt you needed to do at the time. Maybe now he will stop trying to contact you, and maybe that will lead to *permanent* NC on both sides.
I will be thinking of you and your family over the holidays....
mpjcmom
Now, though, is the time to take care of YOU! You have a family to focus on. Yeah, I know those are words and they are so easy to say, but maybe if we manage to say them enough to ourselves, they will sink in and finally stay put!
As far as the dramatics, we have all been through that, to some degree. Every situation is unique and we handle them in different ways. You have been one of the biggest helps to me and so many others on this board and we won't turn our backs on you now that you are having a rough go of it.
Most of us may only be here via words for you, but, for me anyway, they are words from the heart. We all need to heal and we will all do it in our own time and in our own ways.
With what I have gone through in life (haven't we all), I know that time does heal. I just wish we were more patient to allow time to do what it does best.
I have overcome many obstacles to get me to this point in my life and how was I so weak as to allow one man to almost destroy me (outside of the xh, who almost did it too)? Who knows. This is now another obstacle to overcome. Think of what you do have and be thankful for that and do say good riddance to bad garbage....
Hang in there and I am thinking of you!!!
some time has passed since I spoke to XOM so I am feeling a bit more "grounded". Even now, with all that has happened I do not hate him. This either makes me a good person or a really big moron. I really do think that he is "sick" and can't help himself, I told him this. He said that he is not sick, he just has committment issues (understatement of the year) and that when he can afford to he was going to therapy. I guess that is a good step in the right direction for him, but it really has nothing to do with me at this point. What is important for me to understand is that this was all his problem, and for me not to blame myself, which is what people tend to do when involved with an addict.
My family is important to me, and I need to try and salvage it. This is a whole other Pandora's box...but in time it too will sort itself out. I have so much to be grateful for, and I feel like I have been given another chance. If my H left me like he was planning on doing a year or so ago, I would have less options at this moment. All this stuff has been going thru my head. This past weekend has definitely been a period of reflection.
Jazzdiva
It is terribly sad to realize that someone is so good at manipulating others that you cannot even trust any emotion that they seem to have. However, you know that your emotions are real and you know the terrible pain that you have experienced. You are doing something to change your situation and your life. He is not. That is the difference. I wish you well. You are very strong.
Lostit
Jazzdiva
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