Life is not the same.......

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Life is not the same.......
2
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 10:43pm
Life is not the same without XMM. Everything I do, everything I touch, everything I smell reminds me of him. I can see his face in my mind and it hurts not having him to talk to, to hold, to love. Our affair lasted 12 years and it is so hard for me to not have him in my life. When I think of him, I smile because it reminds me of the sound of hearing his voice. I am finding it hard to find closure. I loved him and I still love him, however I know there is no going back to what we had. How can a person tell another that they are the most important, most precious thing in their lives and loves them like no other and as soon as their wife finds out about the affair...they suddenly have this urge to end the relationship and work on their marriage??? I don't think I will ever understand why I let him do this to me.

Lillsilly

Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 11:12pm
Oh my - it sounds like you must be going through a lot...

I have to tell you honestly what I am thinking. If you have had that long an affair, then clearly your OM had no intention of leaving his marriage. When he was found out and had to make a choice, then ofcourse he chose the marriage. He may have been good to you and loved you very deeply, but to him it was probably conditional on everything remaining a secret. Think about all this - long and hard, because my guess is when the smoke clears he'll be back knocking at your door. You deserve better!

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:30am
Wow Lill, 12 years! No wonder this is so hard for you!

Clearly your XMM was happy with this arrangment as long as his wife did not find out. It could have went on forever. When did you expect him to actually leave his wife? Was it part of the plan or were you just hoping that it would someday happen? Now that he has showed you this side of himself aren't you a little glad that you see the truth now? That he was a cake eater that had no intention of making you first? Look at this as an opportunity to start a new life. I know that it is not easy, not after being used to having him in your life for 12 years. But you can do this. You deserve better then crumbs....you deserve the whole enchilada. He may come knocking on your door as soon as the dust settles at home, so make your decision now as to what kind of life you want to have.

I know it is easier said then done, that is why we are all here.......

HUGS

Jazzdiva