I dont see the END
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I dont see the END
| Tue, 12-23-2003 - 7:07pm |
been away for awhile. things have been tough. missing him so much. very hard to see him everyday at work. it just is not getting any better.
he calls my cell today, leaves a msg saying he is thinking about me, and misses me.
god, what is he doing. i wish he would make up his mind, stay at home with wife and kids, or leave. but no, he doesnt know what to do. meantime, i am dying here.
just venting. i hope everyone has a great holiday.

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Join the club honey,i'm in the same boat as you.
One minute i feel he is dying to be with me and the next he feels he needs to stay put for his kids.
I don't see an end here neither.Also dying...
The only ending will have to come from us i guess.
For as long as our guys have both us and their families they are never going to make a decision as to who they want to spend the rest of their life with.
I have given my 'xmm?' till the end of Feb.
Trying to keep up nc till then.......soooooooo hard....
Just sharing.....you're not on your own.....
Let it go. He doesn't deserve you. No one who would place you second deserves you.
But I do love this man, and I am having a hard time getting over him.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It's ok to love him. It's ok to keep loving him. But if you want any chance of actually having a real relationship with him, not just being his dirty little secret, his tasty side dish, then you've got to stand up to him and tell him that you won't settle for being second best. If you don't put yourself first, he never will.
NC hurts. NC is hard. NC is hellish. But let's face it, being in this relationship is all of those things too. I can guarantee that if you stay with him you will just keep on hurting and it will get worse. If you stop contact you will hurt for a while, you'll feel like you're going to die, but slowly but surely you will begin to feel better and you WILL heal. But you have to let go in order for that to happen.
I know I have it all against me, he has a family with her, and he feels extremly guilty, although he does not love her, he does care for her, he does not want to hurt her. So he stays.
The whole thing stinks. I just wish I could figure out a way to stop thinking about him, and try to move on with my life
And weak people can be incredibly cruel. He's being cruel to you. He's giving you hope because he doesn't want to hurt you, but I think he's just hurting you more. You will hurt less if you do total and complete NC. Let him go. You will feel better if YOU end it. It's always better to walk away than to be the rejected one.
He may be sweet, handsome, charming and wonderful, but he isn't free. You can find a man who is just as good and FREE. I know you can! I'm counting on it for myself too!
When the physical affair ended, I had to continue working with him and it was AWFUL and very painful. I hated it. I started looking for a job, and found one within four months and left a month later. The last few months before I left were really hard though.
Is there any chance you can find another job? It truly is very, very hard to get away from the pain if you have to see him every day. As far as his confusion goes, it sounds really normal. He's torn between two women. And he's probably lying to both of them.
Two things you said about your MM remind me of my MM: you said he feels guilty and you said he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Those are two really bad signs in my book.
But he does not do that, he tells me he misses, thinks about me, and is trying to figure all this out. He wants to to this "the right way", leave becuase he just is not in love with her anymore, not just because of someone else. He obvisouly is getting pressure from her, and his family. It is all so difficult.
That was my situation anyway. But the moment I realized that anyone who truly loved and respected me would NEVER put me in that sort of situation, leave me waiting and wondering, then I was ok. Then I was able to walk away. I forced my MM to say that he had chosen his wife and his marriage. He never wanted to say it, even though his actions spoke louder than his words.
And I think you have to accept that his actions are speaking volumes. He doesn't have to say it's over, he's acting it out.
He sounds like a really weak and helpless cake-eating victimizer. You deserve better. Cut this loser loose. (Sorry to sound so harsh. I'm sure he's lovely in many ways, but he really is not treating you well. Even if he does eventually leave his wife and family the fact that he is leading you on this way, and making you wait, doesn't bode well for a future relationship.)
Consider this: before anything else, any good qualities, the most important thing about a man is the way he treats you. None of us is perfect. We all have flaws, weaknesses, fears and low points ... but he's just plain mistreating you. No doubt about it.
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