Pony....this is for you
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| Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:33pm |
Listen, girlfriend, he is not talking to you because for some reason he has chosen not to. I DOUBT very very very highly that he has DECIDED that he wants to minimize contact. I would bet instead that he has found it incredibly difficult to motivate himself to pick up the phone to call you, given that all that can come of it is desire, pain, frustration, confustion, complication. Men can be very good at avoiding difficult emotional situations, and I would bet that your MM is simply avoiding, as opposed to consciously deciding to stay away.
I know this must make you very mad and sad and it must make you feel very out of control. Believe me, I know. I had to contend with this over the entire duration of my affair, simply because I had the audacity to return the feelings of my MM, which for so long had been unrequited!!! Your situation is somewhat different, but the reality is the same: they avoid conflict, they avoid emotional turmoil.
If it were me, I would demand a meeting with him and get it all out on the table. Since you are not willing to leave your husband, and he is trying to make his marriage work, it really would seem more rational to try to put aside the sexual aspect of your relationship than to advocate for continuing it, right? As for the remainder of the relationship, the emotional part, well, you can rachet that down over time, dontcha think? Don't you think that you will ultimately WANT to rachet it down? I mean, in my case, I think that I already see myself not feeling as interested in my MM as a "special friend", but we shall see...
Good luck....I know we are in for a lot of pain but we can do this...

I do feel that we could continue to be friends without the sexual aspect of the relationship, we basically did that for several years. Ours is a strange and wonderful (used to be anyway) friendship, and unfortunately there is no way I can avoid him, so I just have to hold my head up and smile. I'm thinking of calling him today just to wish him a Merry Christmas, but, while I'd love to talk to him, I'm trying to talk myself out of it because I'm afraid it'll dredge up some of the pain I've been fighting to rid myself of. But on the other hand, I want him to know that I'm thinking of him. I'm sure he knows that, though.
Thank you for your input and support. I do find myself thinking about him a little less every day, especially at night when it used to get so bad, so I guess that's a good thing, right? Here's to a New Year with a whole lot less complications in all of our lives!!!