Just keeping myself busy during NC.....
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| Wed, 12-24-2003 - 9:53am |
my XMM is a member of Quitnet, a website for people who are trying to quit smoking.....what i've been doing about a hundred times a day, in an attempt to satisfy those cravings and maintain NC, is to sign onto Quitnet JUST to see if he is either on the site at that moment or has entered some new piece of information about himself and how his quit is going into his profile.....i know this is just a form of pseudo-contact....and i'm talking to myself alot about STOPPING.......sometimes at night i just sit there and wait until he does sign on, just to see his name on the list......why do we do things like this ??????
On Quitnet they track your quit progress with your stats, which are continually updated....i have seen these stats so often while on the site that i began thinking about how the format of the stats could be applied to MY QUIT.....quitting him.......
the stats are in the following format:
28 days, 22 hours, 26 minutes and 35 seconds smoke free.
579 cigarettes not smoked.
$159.50 and 4 days, 10 hours of your life saved.
well, in an attempt to just keep myself busy during NC (as if i don't already have REAL things to do!) here are my current stats:
9 days, 17 hours, 16 minutes MM free.
1,235,426 words not spoken.
44 hugs and 50 kisses not given or received.
$47.23 saved in cell phone calls.
9 days, 17 hours, 16 minutes not spent feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH for him to want to be with full time
Endless hours, minutes, seconds spent missing him.
OK, well, some of the stats are positive and some are negative....i hope that someday in the future i'll see only positive results from having gone through NC, but for now it's a mixed bag of emotions, leaning HEAVILY on the negative side....but i'm still QUIT, as they say on quitnet........
i wish you all a wonderful holiday, and hope that we are all able to find some moments of peace and joy during this time......
anyone else want to post their stats?

Liked your post. It was sweet. I know what you mean.
Quiting smoking and your man at the same time.. Damn your brave.
Here are my stats....
8 months since I found out I was pregnant with XMM's baby
8 months since I've had a drink or a smoke
7 months since I've been separated from XH
5 months since I've talked to XMM Romantically
5 months since I've seen XMM period
2 months since I've been divorced
2 months I've been posting
3 1/2 more weeks of pregnancy!
26 hours... most time I've been able to go without thinking about XMM
TOTAL: 11 months since I've had a sane moment!
I'm not sure any money saved.. I think it's in the million dollar figure to raise a kid.. BUT like they say...priceless!
In all, I'm feeling much better then I was a year ago. I feel like I have more control over my life. My life is better without my XH. My life is better because I'm not having an affair. My life is better because I don't have to live the lie everyday. MY LIFE IS GETTING BETTER EVERYDAY!
It's OK to look at quitnet. Sooner or later it will bore you. You will move on. It's hard to go cold turkey sometimes. I know almost everyone in here has caved at one time or another me included!
Katja
yes, we ARE worth our weight in gold! ...and, you're right, you ARE still the same special woman that you thought and felt your were when you were with your XMM.....it's just a damn shame the way women sometimes can only see their worth and beauty through the eyes of a man......WHY DO WE GIVE MEN, OR ANYONE, THAT KIND OF POWER OVER US????......i, for one, do not want anyone to have that kind of power over me ever again.....i am seeing my time of NC now as possibly a time for me to take back the power......I WANT THE POWER!!......i want the power to make myself feel beautiful and smart and sexy......
think about it......if we give the power to making ourselves feel beautiful and special to someone else......aren't we also then giving them the power to make us feel EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE as well ?????????
happily no words spoken except "hi how are you?" without waiting his reply at grocery store on Nov. 4.
no hugs and no kisses with MM; tons of hugs and kisses with my amazing kids who've prevailed despite divorce, sometimes wacky mom & sometimes off dad; lots of hugs & kisses with single BF of 8 mos.
free nights & weekends cell phone plan saved me tons then & now.
1200 days spent feeling bad, ashamed & totally NOT GOOD ENOUGH with him to want to be with full time
100 days spent missing him a little -- but only for false reasons -- 179 days completely grateful for my freedom, feeling good about myself again & having someone I love & who loves me openly & publicly in my life -- someone my kids are getting to know & my parents will meet when they're in town -- pretty different from MM.
NC works -- it's hard even when you're READY to end the "madness" but keep plugging away. I'm grateful every single day that I escaped that mess.
i've got to ask......did you have that "279 days MM free" handy, or did you sit down to figure that out before you posted???
your words are very encouraging......i can't hear enough the stories of people who ACTUALLY DO get past this hell....and i'm talking about not only the hell of ending the affair, but you've made it through a divorce as well, and so have your kids....those are the things i need to hear over and over, as i'm also not only dealing with ending the affair, but want MORE THAN ANYTHING to be divorced, and have to face going through that as well.....it's especially encouraging after days like yesterday, a holiday, when i just could not bear being with my family while i was also going through all of my silent sadness.......i can only hope to be writing a post like yours one day......
good luck with BF and i'm so happy for you that you've gotten past it all.....
a different perspective on counting days -- the way you're doing it is a little daily victory dance. I had one other experience with this concept only it was weird -- my xMM appeared at my house one night in Aug. or Sept.? after we'd been apart since March. He had been drinking, W was out of town with kids, and he HAD to talk with me. My BF had JUST left. My Ex & kids were on the way home & he wouldn't leave, so I grabbed the dog & walked down to the corner to talk with him.
I was HORRIFIED, trying to decide if I should call the police. He'd clearly been watching me through my windows because he knew I was alone.
He said to me "on day 104," (or some very specific number) "I realized that I had been hurt worse than blah blah blah" something to the effect that we would be together "some day" because he survived 104 days of pain or something.
At the time, I just thought it was CREEPY. I told him that if he ever showed up at my house or office again, I would call the police. This man that I used to just adore. It's all perspective, isn't it?
i wish it felt like i was doing a little daily victory dance...unfortunately, i'm not quite there yet.....at this point, every day i wake up and the first thought i have is that i can't believe i'm still alive after spending yet another 24 hours, 1440 minutes trying not to contact him, and surviving not hearing from him, and that now i have to do this for another 24 hours......because it still hurts so much, i can't feel the benefits of it all yet on an emotional level, and am just trying to maintain NC because on some intellectual level i know it's probably best, and i'm hoping that what everyone says is true......that not only will i feel better at some point, but that i'll be glad i went through it.....
i am so happy for you that you have moved on and are in such a healthy place in your life.....i know you went through hell to get here, but it must have made you so much stronger.....you're an inspiration!