Today Was Rough

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Today Was Rough
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:51pm
i have not seen xmm for 4 days, he has been out of town. new going to work today, he would be back. Saw him and it was alittle tense, at least for me. I am sad that he is home, and I am alone for the holidays. Kids are going to be with there dad. He asked what was wrong, I said nothing, he said i seemed mad.

I told him this was not easy, i didnt like the thought of him at home for the holidays. I asked him what he was thinking, why he called me yesterday to say he missed me, and what the deal was, was he torn between me and the wife, did he think of me when he sees me at work, then when he goes home, he can block it out.

He did not answer. Everyone got to leave early today for xmas eve, i left without saying anything, and he said nothing to me.

So here I am, I have the next 9 days alone. I wish he would just have told me, he is happy where he is, and he is going to rebuild what he has, but he cant, just says, he does not know what he wants. I cant do this.

I know in my mind we will never be together, but trying to tell that to my heart is another story. This is the worst feeling to have