6 Months of NC

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
6 Months of NC
3
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 1:43pm
To many people today is Christmas Day, to me it's a different kind of celebration. Today is six months of NC for me! I am so, so happy to be away from the man who caused me so much pain for over a year. I am so happy that I had the courage to walk away instead of clinging to the little shreds of hope he was giving me. I am so happy that I'm not crying every day anymore. I am so happy that I'm not involved with a man who has the poor taste to ask me, "Would you mind spending Christmas by yourself this year?" I am so happy that I have made it this far.

However, even with all that, I was wondering if he might call to wish me a Merry Christmas! Isn't that silly? So this just goes to show you, six months can pass, and you can be totally healed and over it and hardly think about him anymore, but still these little triggers persist. I guess part of it also has to do with my continued disbelief over his choice. I guess it's about time I got over it though.

In the New Year I hope to have a new relationship. It has been over a year since I've had one, and I think I'm ready.

Happy Holidays to Everyone. Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 2:12pm
delightful......thank you for your post!....good for you!.....your words are everything i need to hear right now.....posts like yours are very important to people like me who can't see the forest for the trees yet.......i'm at 11 days of NC (it feels more like a year!!) and am struggling terribly....and yesterday, christmas eve, was a big trigger for me.....i just missed him terribly and probably would have broken NC had it not been for my house full of company keeping me busy......it was a very difficult day.....

good luck to you in the new year with finding a new, healthy relationship with someone who can be there for you on christmas day, and every day.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 2:24pm
hurray Delightful! congratulations! isn't it the best Christmas gift of all to feel good about yourself & free from that prison?

I'm checking in after several months gone from the board. Things are still going great. I'm about 9 mos. free so we're about the same "age" post-A. My relationship which started very quickly after I ended my A (and really helped me stick with NC initially!) is still going. It's been great & hard & satisfying & scary -- we're both in transition -- me from the A and my divorce (5 years ago!) which the A allowed me to avoid dealing with and him from a divorce shortly before we met.

Sometimes I think we'll help each other & then move on. Other times I think he's the one. In lots of ways I'm a baby to the relationship world (at 44?) because my marriage was to a drug addict and philanderer, then the affair and now real life. I'm just NOW learning to detach from my Ex-H (he's my kids' father so that's been tough) and to have a real relationship, maybe for the very first time in my life.

It's hard but it's rich & real & risky. Every day I feel that I'm growing & learning. It's a different kind of pain (growing pains?) than the pain of an A -- that just made me feel awful, ashamed, worthless.

My life is good. I'm grateful for this place because this is where I learned how to get out of the affair. Nov. 2002, I found this site & by March I was free (after YEARS of trying to break off the A).

anyway, hurray for Delightful & all of us working toward freedom & self-worth. I hope you find someone special in 2004 because you're a very special person & you deserve it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:31pm
Hi IAD;

I still lurk here regularly but had to come on to commend you for your 6 months of NC. As you may or may not know, I broke contact in September after 14 weeks NC. What a mistake that was. However, I am now back to 12 weeks NC again. I finalized it on Oct. 4th and haven't looked back. NC for 3 months and I haven't seen XOM since April 24th ... 8 months!!

Things are better, but I could relate to you when you said that you wondered whether or not you'd hear Merry Christmas from XOM or not. I felt the same way!! This time, I did not break contact and I hope to never again. Yesterday I really thought about everything that has happened and, believe it or not, I cried hard, which I haven't done in a long time. However, for the most part, I am functioning normally again though I still have not fully recovered.

I hope you continue to move forward and may someone who is right for you find you and love you in every way you deserve.

Peace,

Happy New Year

No longer ... torn2pcs (not today, anyway)