This post is for CLNoregretsever

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
This post is for CLNoregretsever
3
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 9:38am
Hi :)

I am checking in for an all important post here.I need your opinion here as a man,you are very wise,and you've had much experience in this area,so I really do value your opinion on this.

It has been over 5 months since XMM VERY ABRUPTLY ended our affair.(XMM was my HS sweetheart as you may recall who I reunited with after over 20 years (!!) only to be gone again after the 3 & a half year affair.)

This was the man that told me we can never say No Contact because you never know what life will bring-and also that he'd never leave my life.

He told me a billion wondrous things but those two stick out in my mind -especially because of how he ended it and the fact that he not only ended it =he HAS NOT LOOKED BACK ONCE.

He was the one I wrote you about -who had a hell of time in his marriage (his second)since he struggles with job instability (stemming from Attention Deficit Disorder)impulsivity(moved back nearer to me from states away with me as one of the main reasons)and the man that had the one young child he and his wife waited four years for (2 invitros.)The child that I can tell means more to him than anything.

Well,I am moving forward in my life.I have posted an update here recently.Things are going okay..not phenomenol but okay again.

Life has a semblance of normality.

Time has given me some more clarity in this situation.

Not going into specifics of what kind of clarity but I will say this.

I still feel for instance,that a Happy Holiday or Birthday wish would be nice occasionally.

Some kind of occasional contact -via email or phone.

I know that you or others will say "but you would want more"

I've thought about that..I probably would deep inside but I would try to be okay with just some words (after all this,yes I think I would)-because you know why? The thing is I hate the thought that he came back into my life TWICE and has left it COMPLETELY.Now we're 40 something and not 20 anymore as we were the first time around we lost 20 precious years and I'd like to just check in sometime for a hello.It DOESN'T have to be more.

So my question to you CL..you are not a mind reader,granted but can you tell me-as time passes is there more or less of a chance to you think that he (remember he and I share history)will EVER contact me again??

He must have seen what it was like now even for a little bit to go back completely to his marriage.

He must miss my soothing voice or my laughter or my not wishing him a Happy B-day in December. I KNOW IT.

So thats what this is asking.

I know you will say to continue focusing on my marriage and I HAVE and I WILL and all that good stuff ..but I still would like YOU to give me your best shot on this.

Is it not a good sign after 5 months or is it still possible

that he will contact me.

The woman he told to "cherish me always as I do you"

THANKYOU.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 12:20pm
I know that that message was for noregrets and not for me, but it sounded so sad and really touched me. What is wrong with an occasional happy birthday, how are you? Gee I don't know, i guess it depends on the situation. Wouldn't it hurt you to hear from him? I guess alot of time would have to pass before I could do something like that.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 12:48pm
Even though it's not been too long (but long enough I guess)I DO feel like I could be ready.

But what good is it-there is no way to contact and that's why I continue going to therapy-because the pain is still there.That I can't even give a little wish here and there or he to me.

It just seems senseless not to have that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 5:57pm

Mlster...my "best shot" on this? OK.


I'm not going to tell you what to do, think or say.....you're already on the move.


I do think the end to your 2nd contact with xMM could have been handled differently by him. It wasn't and it hurts. Deep. Wasn't a kind or fair thing to do by him with you or his wife and child. Perhaps it's the ADD part of his personality.


As for the future and contacts, there is no certainty. Whatever will happen has yet to be.


I suggest you remember what was good for the two of you, cherish what was great and forgive and forget what was hurtful and leave the future to the future.....


I wish you peaceful healing in the coming year...


cl-nre