Is it just me?
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Is it just me?
| Sat, 12-27-2003 - 8:56am |
Is it just me or does anyone else ever feel like the "bad guy" because of trying to end an A. I get the "sorrowful voice tone" and the "don't let me go" feeling from XMM when I speak to him and I know it's all done to work on me and my emotions, and I am expected to fall back into the trap, like so many times before. I can't do it anymore. As bad as I want him and want to be with him (or I think I do), I look around my house, my husband, my son, my dogs & cats and think what would I do without all of this. It's my world and that's just the way it's suppose to be. I think of him with his family in his world and wonder if he is thinking of me. Wondering if he and his wife are speaking, cause according to him, she is very unhappy. Wondering if he has ever made a decision in his mind to end this A, like I have. I feel like a bad guy cause I have hurt his feelings, but you know what? My feelings are very important too. I wish I had never let myself be drawn to him 2 years ago. It has been a emotional roller coaster kind of ride and this girl is ready to get off.

I too, look around my house and at my kids and wonder....what would life be like now if I left here when I wanted to? Would it have been worth it? In my case that is a big negative.
good luck.
Jazzdiva
I look at my life and wonder if I would want to forever settle for someone who is not mine to have, ultimately? I have a loving family, a single man who adores me (God knows why) a home and, outside of my involvement with a MM, a good life. Why do I let him bring me down?
Yeah, I love him and all that, but have to move on. Again, I have asked that he no longer contact me in any way. I do feel like the bad guy, but temper that with the realization that he is still married. So, you know what? We are not the "bad guys". We are trying our level best to do the right thing.
We will keep trying until, once and for all, we get it right.
Hang in there.
WHY?
because when they're saying those things to you, trying to make you feel bad about wanting to end it and leave them, they are only thinking about one thing......THEMSELVES......those comments have no thought about you in them......you may be describing to them how unhappy the affair is making you, or how painful being apart from them is, or how all the sneaking around and lying is affecting your life, or how you haven't been there for your children the way you should have been, and that even though you love them you need to end it........and all they do is try to make you feel bad for THEM......i felt many times this pang in my chest and all i could think of saying was "DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING I SAID? IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!".....and the worse comment i would hear, after expressing how completely miserable i'd been, was something like, "So, does this mean we're not going away in january??"....i just wanted to scream.....
i would have loved to have heard "i know how much pain you've been in and how difficult this has been for you, and even though we love each other, i don't want to see you in pain any more..."....and actually, finally, this last break-up, that is what i did hear, and i know he meant it......it was a relief to finally feel that he loved me enough to let me go....
don't let those comments manipulate your.......those comments are dangerous because on the one hand they play on our compassionate side and serve as a little ego boost because it's nice to know he wants us so badly......but the flip side is that they do not at all address what we're really saying and feeling......all of that goes completely unnoticed and unresponded to......because it's all about what they want and need......sometimes i can't believe how much attention these men get!!.....We think about and worry about their feelings all the time, and THEY think about themselves all the time.....WAIT A MINUTE????.......who's thinking about us?????
Hang in there......Be strong.....Remember to think about yourself even when he's trying to get you to feel bad for him, because HE's not thinking about you, so somebody has to!!.......you're not the bad guy AT ALL......you're doing what's best for yourself, first and foremost, and that's what we all should be doing......
Take care :)