I ended my EMA but still feel addicted.
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I ended my EMA but still feel addicted.
| Mon, 12-29-2003 - 12:27pm |
I just ended my 8 month EMA last week.
Here is a little background info:
My MM has a W and 2 small babies. He is an exboyfriend, that I got reconnected with online. He said he was happily married at first and so did I but we got involved with each other anyway. We were just friends at first who flirted with each other but ended up getting involved. We have had incredible times together and just can't seem to keep our hands off each other. He is so sexy and say's the same to me. The last time I saw him. I told him, I think we should end it. I really love my H and don't want to loose him and I don't see a future for me and my MM. He loves his wife and would never leave her either. I think it was all fun and games for him even though it seemed to be a little more than that for me or it was wishful thinking on my part. I have had NC with him since I ended it a week ago even though we agreed to remain friends and still talk to each other. I don't know why it happened to begin with. I feel addicted to him still, like a drug. I find myself being on the computer just waiting for him to log on. I don't know what I will say to him when we do finally talk again and I know we will. I keep thinking I should see him one last time, although I don't know what good that would do except fufill my selfishness need of craving him and put myself at risk of gettin caught again. I just wish I would stop thinking about him and really be over it. I know it will take some time. I have a great realationship with my H and don't want to destroy it for some meaningless fun with this sexy man. Yet I still crave him...
Here is a little background info:
My MM has a W and 2 small babies. He is an exboyfriend, that I got reconnected with online. He said he was happily married at first and so did I but we got involved with each other anyway. We were just friends at first who flirted with each other but ended up getting involved. We have had incredible times together and just can't seem to keep our hands off each other. He is so sexy and say's the same to me. The last time I saw him. I told him, I think we should end it. I really love my H and don't want to loose him and I don't see a future for me and my MM. He loves his wife and would never leave her either. I think it was all fun and games for him even though it seemed to be a little more than that for me or it was wishful thinking on my part. I have had NC with him since I ended it a week ago even though we agreed to remain friends and still talk to each other. I don't know why it happened to begin with. I feel addicted to him still, like a drug. I find myself being on the computer just waiting for him to log on. I don't know what I will say to him when we do finally talk again and I know we will. I keep thinking I should see him one last time, although I don't know what good that would do except fufill my selfishness need of craving him and put myself at risk of gettin caught again. I just wish I would stop thinking about him and really be over it. I know it will take some time. I have a great realationship with my H and don't want to destroy it for some meaningless fun with this sexy man. Yet I still crave him...

As I read your post I wondered what was missing from your marriage to know that you "really love him" and "have a great relationship with my H".
It seems to me that someone who has a great relationship with their spouse is simply not available to anyone else for anything that wouldn't be able to include the spouse. And, someone with a great relationship is able to voice concern over shortcomings within the marriage rather than seek relief outside of the marriage.
If you really don't want to lose your H, I suggest you sit down and think about why you found it OK to restart with your ex-BF and then have some conversations with H to address the issues you used to justify the fun and games with xBF. It's not necessary to confess to H about your dalliance. It is necessary, though, to learn why you chose to go outside your marriage and address those issues. Doing so will give you the resolve you're seeking to not have a repeat performance with xBF and lose your H.
Good luck,
cl-nre
My husband is very affectionate to me and loves me dearly...My OM gave me lots of attention to but hasn't told me he loves me or anything. Nor have I told him that either. So It is not just and emotional thing.
Physically, I have a great relationship with my H also. It was also great with my OM. So this is my problem. Not knowing why this started between us in the first place. Nothing needs fixing in my relationship with my H. It is all my fault and my selfishness and curiousity after being with the same man for so many years and then being tempted by such a sexy man, which lead to this A. I know I didn't do this to make up for any of my H's flaws or because of any problems, because we don't have any other than the fact that I screwed up by doing this.
i soo understand the cravings for your MM......but you hit the nail right on the head when you described your feelings as those of an 'addiction'.....i have gone through and have been going through the same thing......it seems unanimous on this board that most of have felt addicted in our affairs, and that in itself is a topic that entire boards can be dedicated too....but suffice it to say that ending the affair will mimic withdrawal from an addictive substance in many ways......you will definitely feel like you need that "fix" and as you've probably been reading, ANY contact at all with your MM will make it virtually impossible to overcome your craving for him......hence, the endless discussions about how to get through no contact......and this board is the place for you to come for help when you do get to that point......
since, as you've said, this is not a relationship that is going to end in you or your MM divorcing, and since you've also stated that you both love your spouses, you seem to already have many of the answers regarding what to do now......i think you've already realized that you need to end the A, BUT i also feel that remaining friends will more than likely prolong your cravings for MM, and will not allow you to concentrate on what's important for you to address now, which is how this could have happened if you were truly happy in your marriage.......after ending the affair, you need to invest the time and effort into trying to figure out and understand what was missing in your relationship with your H that allowed the last 8 months to happen, especially since you've expressed very positive feelings towards your H and your marriage......
lrn, you seem to know what to do, and i do believe you'll find the strength to do it......hang in there......and keep reading and post whenever you need to.......ada