I gotta get thru this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
I gotta get thru this!
3
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 6:56am
Here I sit, thinking of THAT MAN, wondering if he is okay, just wishing alittle that he would call. I'ts been 6 days since we last spoke. He told me he thought I had fear of him and a relationship and I told him it was guilt. (I'm married). He is a self admitting cake man. And I know that he has probably met up with a female around his home by now, for S**. His wife, as he says can't stand him. And I have not done that deed in a very long time. Then I also think maybe he hasn't met up with a female, maybe he is missing me, them I pop back to reality.

Could his heart be hurting like mine?

Could me be missing me as much as I miss him, or is he finally decided to turn and walk away, like he says he has tried before. (But always came back).

He has been in my life for 2 years. All the times I wanted out, wanted him to just go, cause I can't meet his "needs". And now maybe it is happening.

Gosh I hope I make it thru. I just hope that he realizes that I am a good person and me not wanting to be a player, isn't a bad thing.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 7:16am
Just know in your heart that you are worthy of being loved. You have to decide what will be best for you, either you can tell yourself...he is a jerk who never loved you--a complete LIAR or that what you had was special for a time, but can never be. You may start with one. The anger one.. the liar. and then go to the other.. but either way you may never have an answer to your questions and that is OK. Sometimes it's best to walk away before it gets UGLY. Before you degrade yourself even more by stooping to new personal lows. Be glad that you are taking a stand. Be proud of yourself for having this strengh, to move when it's much easier to stay still.

Best to you,

Katja

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 10:45am
hi TCOM......i'm sorry to hear you feeling so distraught......but i read your post three times wondering if i missed something........i keep looking for what it is that YOU want......you keep talking about him, and his needs, and you not being able to meet his needs, and worrying what he thinks about you......but, sweetie, what is it that YOU want and need?......because that's what's important here - YOU......

you can drive yourself crazy wondering if he's OVER you right now, or then wondering if he's MISSING you right now......i have driven myself crazy doing the same thing.......when i imagine he's already OVER me and possibly has found someone else, i feel absolutely horrible, and then when i swing back and think, no, that's crazy.....he wouldn't, couldn't be over me this quickly and he's probably missing me as much as i'm missing him, then i feel better.....crazy, right?

the truth is that in most cases when the A ends, both people are sad and missing each other.....i'm not sure why our minds play these games with us, imagining that they're out partying while we're home crying....i haven't figure it out yet....but the truth is they're usually suffering, too, especially if there has been any kind of real love in the relationship......so try to stop driving yourself crazy on that issue......

as far as whether or not he'll understand why you're not able to continue the A....i know it feels bad when we think someone has gotten us all wrong, or they think something about us that's just not true, etc.......but if that's the case here, and if he doesn't understand, or if he makes you feel crappy because of the choice you're making, then he certainly doesn't see you and understand you the way someone who really cares about you would.....and as you said, he is admittedly a cakeman, and so waiting for someone who is totally self-centered to make you feel better about taking his cake away is a futile goal......it's YOU who's going to have to understand and tell yourself that you certainly ARE a good person and that not being a player IS a good thing....all that matters is that YOU know it.......

hang in there, and truly begin to take care of yourself.....HUGS........ada

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 6:53am
Thanks to both you and Nykatja for your input. I appreciate it very much. I know I will be okay in due time, back to my old self. It's just that it's so hard to try and figure out why I let myself get into this situation, when I am the strong one my friends come to for advice and support when they have guy/husband problems. I give good advice, so I've been told. I need to start listening to myself.

Thanks again.