To the Ending an Affair Support Board!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
To the Ending an Affair Support Board!!!
14
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:39pm
You are still a great group of strong, caring and loving women!!! This board helped me to change my life. For those of you that are still here, thank you! (Shescomeundone, Fool4love, Nutella, delightful, Karry, calidiamond,.... others... and some that are gone (Sambagita & LifeofJoy-especially Lifeofjoy).

You "newbies"... you'll find wisdom & support here if you just listen/ uh.. I mean read.

I'm doing fine. My marriage is on a real good track right now. Is it perfect? No. But I don't think I should be looking for some fantastical image of perfection, and instead should just enjoy love and reality. I had gotten a bit away from reality. For a long time!

Yes. I'm in therapy, and it is going well. Still have work to do on ME... but it is progressing, and that is good.

Here are some of the lessons I'm still learning, and come back today to share:

1- Work on me. Then, the marriage will be stronger.

2- It IS about me.

3- I am still finding what "it" was about me, that I enjoyed about myself when I was w/ the xOW, and am re-creating that in other places.

4- No contact has been broken, but there is no substitute for no contact. We have occasional contact, but the "quality" or "nature" of that contact is completely within my control, and I will endeavor to make that contact, when it has to be made, of a healthy nature. For those of you struggling.. focus on NO CONTACT! It really, really, helps. If you are not in a co-worker relationship, go NO CONTACT completely; if you are co-workers, control the nature of that contact.

5- This board is a great place.

Just wanted to check in w/ some of y'all.

Good luck to you all!!! The new year coming is an opportunity to rebuild ourselves! Let us look to the future, and remember/learn from the past. Build, build, build...

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:55pm
Hi Riverguy!!!

It was so good to read your post!!! It sounds as if you are doing terrific and I am happy to hear it!!! I hope things continue to get better and better for you with each passing day!! I have to agree with you that no contact (when at all possible) is the way to go!! It is only after I realized that there would be no contact that I began to heal and move forward!! I hope you continue to post here from time to time and give us updates on how you are!!!

Hugs,

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:58pm
Riverguy: I've lurked some since I left the board in July and have enjoyed reading your posts. For quite a while, I needed to read a male's viewpoint worse than anything - and I can tell many other's feel the same. I'm glad things are going well for you. I'm in the same place -- trying to figure out what about me was missing that I turned to someone else. This has been a very difficult year for me but one that has really made me open my eyes and grow -- and one I don't ever want to repeat. Remember when Queen Elizabeth called one year the Horrible Year (in Latin) because her sons both divorced, her castle caught fire....that's been 2003. The thought of 2004 is so exciting to me -- the chance to start a year that won't be filled with sadness and grieving -- my A ended in March, by the way.

Thanks again for your viewpoint.

Happy New Year,

B

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 4:28pm
Hey!

Watch those hugs! I'm a married man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 4:33pm
Yeah... you've got that right! I can't wait for 2004, either. It's like we should get a lapel pin or something, for surviving this one, huh?

That "missing thing" has really turned into an incredible journey for me so far. That "missing thing" is a real trick. I'm still working, but am enjoying the journey. I didn't even see this as a journey a few months ago. God, I was so depressed & down. The weight of feeling in love w/ another woman. Yipes. I'm glad I'm working through this & have put that weight down.

Good luck to you, too, yoohoo. (Gosh, that sounded so "Dr Seuss"...)

Happy New Year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 4:33pm
Oh that's right....I tend to forget...lol....and I'm a reformed WS who is in recovery!!! I just get a little sentimental at times.... :)

karry

(minus the hugs....lol)

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 4:54pm
It's just that with all you wimmins around, I might be tempted to get in an ass-grab!

;o)

(what's a WS?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 7:55pm
hi riverguy,

i often think of you when things are rough. thanks for all of your thoughtful and thought-provoking advice.

i'm glad to hear that you're doing so much better. i'm proud of you.

love,

sambagita

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 8:00pm
Riverguy...

You are the best dude! Nice to hear from you, Happy New year. I mostly lurk now, and I'm doing SO MUCH better...this board was a big help. I enjoy trying to help others that are hurting...it is part of my healing process.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 10:56pm
Hi RG, Old Friends and Newbies- I've been off the board for a while- lurking about when I was down or posting when someone seemed to need extra care. Been very busy at work, thankfully- you know what they say about idle hands :)

I too have been much better and attribute a lot of my improvement to the support I received on this board. I said this many times over, but here everyone is annonymous, and the care given to responding to another whom you have no obligation to, yet you see they are in pain, has deeply touched me.

For me, I have backed away to the extent that I can in a coworker relationship. Yet, we continue to be friends and continue to have lunch together. The emails and calls have almost disappeared and the flirtation has diminished as well. It has developed into an almost brother/sister relationship. I don't feel that I can fully give up the friendship, however, and this is an ongoing struggle for me. As you recall I ended a long term relationship at about the time when our friendship began. He is still an important part of my life. I hate to say it, but if the opportunity presented itself, I would still take it. However, unlike before, I would not proceed with him still in a relationship and I was strong enough to say this. So, I'm progressing, slowly it seems some days, but all steps count- even the tiniest.

I wish us all peace of heart, mind and spirit in the New Year.

Snap

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:53am
Isn't it funny how we came back to the board yesterday?!

Thanks for your words. Your post above (about the new year) really struck a chord with me. Similarly, I miss my old self, and am in the middle of an amazing journey of self-rediscovery. It is not at all what I would have expected, but my feeling is that this is a very good path for me to be on right now. I feel a little bit like I've reached into a book-knapsack, and pulled out a HUGE set of barbells and said to myself "huhn. What's that doing in there?" There is a weight lifted, for sure.

Good hearing from you too. I won't be here much, either, but do expect to pop in every now and then. The board is a very valuable resource, and it helps those struggling (as I was) to hear voices of hope and success.

Congrats on your bar exam.

Happy New Year... so nice hearing from you!

Pages