To the Ending an Affair Support Board!!!
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| Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:39pm |
You "newbies"... you'll find wisdom & support here if you just listen/ uh.. I mean read.
I'm doing fine. My marriage is on a real good track right now. Is it perfect? No. But I don't think I should be looking for some fantastical image of perfection, and instead should just enjoy love and reality. I had gotten a bit away from reality. For a long time!
Yes. I'm in therapy, and it is going well. Still have work to do on ME... but it is progressing, and that is good.
Here are some of the lessons I'm still learning, and come back today to share:
1- Work on me. Then, the marriage will be stronger.
2- It IS about me.
3- I am still finding what "it" was about me, that I enjoyed about myself when I was w/ the xOW, and am re-creating that in other places.
4- No contact has been broken, but there is no substitute for no contact. We have occasional contact, but the "quality" or "nature" of that contact is completely within my control, and I will endeavor to make that contact, when it has to be made, of a healthy nature. For those of you struggling.. focus on NO CONTACT! It really, really, helps. If you are not in a co-worker relationship, go NO CONTACT completely; if you are co-workers, control the nature of that contact.
5- This board is a great place.
Just wanted to check in w/ some of y'all.
Good luck to you all!!! The new year coming is an opportunity to rebuild ourselves! Let us look to the future, and remember/learn from the past. Build, build, build...

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It was so good to read your post!!! It sounds as if you are doing terrific and I am happy to hear it!!! I hope things continue to get better and better for you with each passing day!! I have to agree with you that no contact (when at all possible) is the way to go!! It is only after I realized that there would be no contact that I began to heal and move forward!! I hope you continue to post here from time to time and give us updates on how you are!!!
Hugs,
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
Thanks again for your viewpoint.
Happy New Year,
B
Watch those hugs! I'm a married man!
That "missing thing" has really turned into an incredible journey for me so far. That "missing thing" is a real trick. I'm still working, but am enjoying the journey. I didn't even see this as a journey a few months ago. God, I was so depressed & down. The weight of feeling in love w/ another woman. Yipes. I'm glad I'm working through this & have put that weight down.
Good luck to you, too, yoohoo. (Gosh, that sounded so "Dr Seuss"...)
Happy New Year!
karry
(minus the hugs....lol)
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
;o)
(what's a WS?)
i often think of you when things are rough. thanks for all of your thoughtful and thought-provoking advice.
i'm glad to hear that you're doing so much better. i'm proud of you.
love,
sambagita
You are the best dude! Nice to hear from you, Happy New year. I mostly lurk now, and I'm doing SO MUCH better...this board was a big help. I enjoy trying to help others that are hurting...it is part of my healing process.
Jazzdiva
I too have been much better and attribute a lot of my improvement to the support I received on this board. I said this many times over, but here everyone is annonymous, and the care given to responding to another whom you have no obligation to, yet you see they are in pain, has deeply touched me.
For me, I have backed away to the extent that I can in a coworker relationship. Yet, we continue to be friends and continue to have lunch together. The emails and calls have almost disappeared and the flirtation has diminished as well. It has developed into an almost brother/sister relationship. I don't feel that I can fully give up the friendship, however, and this is an ongoing struggle for me. As you recall I ended a long term relationship at about the time when our friendship began. He is still an important part of my life. I hate to say it, but if the opportunity presented itself, I would still take it. However, unlike before, I would not proceed with him still in a relationship and I was strong enough to say this. So, I'm progressing, slowly it seems some days, but all steps count- even the tiniest.
I wish us all peace of heart, mind and spirit in the New Year.
Snap
Thanks for your words. Your post above (about the new year) really struck a chord with me. Similarly, I miss my old self, and am in the middle of an amazing journey of self-rediscovery. It is not at all what I would have expected, but my feeling is that this is a very good path for me to be on right now. I feel a little bit like I've reached into a book-knapsack, and pulled out a HUGE set of barbells and said to myself "huhn. What's that doing in there?" There is a weight lifted, for sure.
Good hearing from you too. I won't be here much, either, but do expect to pop in every now and then. The board is a very valuable resource, and it helps those struggling (as I was) to hear voices of hope and success.
Congrats on your bar exam.
Happy New Year... so nice hearing from you!
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