How long does it take to get over it?
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How long does it take to get over it?
| Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:12pm |
My D-day was in September. I have had many ups and downs, but I have to see my XOMM at work everyday. Can anyone give me some idea how long this takes to get over. I feel like I am in an endless tunnel and I cannot get out. At this time there is no way for me to get a new job so I am stuck. As you can imagine there is a big part of me that wants to see him everyday, but I also really want to be over him. Any advice on how long this can possibly go on?

I'll give you myself as an example. My affair ended in November 2002. I had to see him for another three months afterwards because we worked together. I got a new job pretty quickly and began NC in early February of this year. We broke it several times, and nearly got back together in June. We have had total NC since June 25, that's over six months. Just a few hours ago I was crying. I'm still not over him totally. I wish I were but I'm not.
I tend not to worry about it so much. I know I Just have to find something else to concentrate on, like why I have such a hard time with all types of relationships for instance. I think of him a few times a day, but I'm no longer obssessed.
You will get there. It's only been three months. Give yourself a bit more time. Hang in there.
I can tell you what helped me and my timeframe, but again it is so different for everyone. I spent about a year (I'm an old-timer, by the way) trying to be friends and trying to be understanding of his situation - in hindsight I think I was really just trying to maintain some last string of attachment "in case we could work it out." I read so many books, some about letting go, some about holding on... and I read around the clock for about a years worth of time. It did help me - I should have a masters degree on the subject by now due to all the text I studied trying to understand =). But, it really was something that just helped me pass the time of not feeling special to him anymore. After a while, I started understanding that it might be important for me to implement no contact - which I realllly didn't want to have to do!! But eventually the pain of having him in my life (trying to be friends, or nice) outweighed the pleasure I felt in seeing him. My self-esteem was so bad be the end of it. Then I went through about 4 months of attempted no contact. Then it all just started feeling foolish, so eventually I was able to do it. It's lasted 16 months now (pretty well, although he showed up on my doorstep a few weeks ago - yikes!).
The bottom line is just letting time do it's job - I wish there were a quick fix, but if there is, I've never known anyone to find it. In the meantime, please try to do nice things for "you" to try to distract yourself... like I said, reading was good for me. You might try working out, or volunteering, or taking a class (a side benefit is that you might meet someone wonderful while you're at it).
Good luck, sweetie. Oh, and I didn't mention is before, but this board was an absolute God-send for me... I can't say where I'd have been without it, truly.