Am i the only one who does this?
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| Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:27pm |
I can remember once two of my 18 yr old niece's(spelled wrong?) came to his house with me for the weekend,late that night after we had gone to bed he and i were making love,he whispered in my ear"i wonder if those little girls could handle this"....HELLO???
What in the hell made me stay after him making a comment like that???But,instead of focusing on all the really unbelieveable and immature things he did while i knew him,i can only dwell on the passion i felt for him,the so called "happiness" i felt when we were able to be together(only every other weekend),blah,blah blah!!
The thing is when we were together it was always just him and me and his friends...no kids,no stress,no responsibilities..nothing..just he and i for the entire weekend partying and doing whatever we wanted.And,every weekend consisted of staying at a cabin surrounded by a lake with his friends(who i liked),or going for midnight skinny dipping with everyone,or lounging in his friend's hot tub while we all got drunk and thought we were living the high life.
I just wonder sometimes if it's him i miss or the lifestyle we had when we were together.Here at home,in my reality world,i have 2 small kids(8 and 6),all the bills to pay,the laundry to do,the cats and dogs to feed,sitting at home day in and day out watching TV,same ol same ol rountine....what OM and i did on those weekends were exciting and FUN,no responsibilities,no stress.....i just wish someone would knock me in the head and say "it was the lifestyle,NOT HIM"!!!!!

I hope your life is getting back to normal. I am now going through a divorce, and have ended A, but I still see xOMM which is difficult because we both miss the fun we use to have.
So, no you are not alone in forgetting about the bad and concentrating on the good. We just have to remember that unfortunately life can't be all good--that stinks, doesn't it??
No, sweetie, you are not the only one who does that. I think for many of us, it wasnt the *HIM* or *HER* - it was something that we wanted, or lacked, or wished for - that illusion of what "we" were rather than the reality of the OM/OW is what kept us captive for so long.
I believe it is a part of letting go, and some would say a wonderful part of human nature that we remember the good, and not the bad ( isnt that why many women say they dont really remember the pain of childbirth??) I know in my first divorce, I remembered the few and far between good times I had in a very ugly marriage...and I continued to do so until I finally saw him for who he really was - and realized he wasnt the one making those good times - it was because I settled for them and I made them what they were.
I know there was some uproar awhile back about posting the awful truths about our OM/OW - how it was pointless, etc. Well, sometimes I think we NEED to break that spell we are under about how wonderful and perfect they were...and we need to see them warts and all.
I am struggling with this myself, and I had to really stop and think out loud and write down the things about the OMM that I disliked - I never knew I disliked so many things!! And the negatives about him .. and while he has many positives, his negatives are so overwhelming ( and he is so blind to them) that he could never have overcome them to be the good person he should be.
So lost, I think he represented freedom to you. You were an alive, sexy, carefree woman when you were with him, and it was THAT that makes the seperation so difficult. I think, sometimes how I miss dressing up and doing my makeup "just so" for HIM, and then I thought - hell, I'm gonna do it for me!! Now, I draw the line at wearing lingerie and heels to clean the horse stalls, but I put on makeup and do *something* to my hair everyday - and usually, by the end of the day ...I feel much better about who I am -without HIM in my life.
Make this a good year solost, we are all pulling for you
F4L