Shouldnt I feel AWFUL???
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 01-01-2004 - 11:58pm |
I have been on a seesaw - wanting it over - and then thinking I could live with the A...maybe just make him wear a condom. I was SOOO afraid to lose the "bestfriend" I thought he was... after all -didnt he say I was his dearest friend???
Then I caught him in so many lies in a 24 hour period. And when he called --he said how much he loved me and missed me and would I just have some phone sex with him so he could get off??? SAY WHAT??? Reality didnt hit home -it crashed through the roof and landed on the dinner table!!!
*I* am nothing in this man's life other than a sexual release - and apparently not a good enough one - he needs all these other women...I question my looks... am I too old, too short, too chubby???? But wait - - it doesnt matter!!
So, I took the first step and sent him a letter with my intent to dissolve our business, and I will call the lawyer tomorrow and schedule an appointment. I also sent him an email asking him to find somewhere else to stay while he was in town for this next week, as "there was no room at the Inn" so to speak. I gave some lame excuse to my H about why I did what I did.. and it seems OK right now.
BUT - I dont feel like crying, or sobbing. I am not really angry - I am just numb. I am waiting for the hysteria to kick in about 3 AM...but I am hoping that in my heart I know it is the best for me - he was absolutely NO GOOD to me or for me. NONE. PERIOD.
So, if the next post is me being hysterical...just know it must be about 3 AM
F4L

CONGRATULATIONS on your independence and acknowledgement to yourself that YOU COUNT!!!!!
Your self-esteem is worth more than ANY amount of money you ever made with xMM.
cl-nre
P.S. I think the next stage for you after "numb" is LIFE, not hysteria. You've endured enough BS with xMM already......................
try not to think about 3 am and beyond.....you need to take things one step, one day at a time, and remember how you feel right now, in this moment......and remember, also, that you are not alone......hang in there......HUGS.....ada
Luv.
Congratulations on taking such a HUGE step!! I'm sure I speak for many others on the board when I say I am very proud of you!! It is well past the 3 AM mark and I am hoping you are still happy with the great decision you've made and that all is well with you!!
YOU GO GIRL!!!
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
Jazzdiva
I am thinking about taking all of his furniture and personal and office stuff and getting a storage unit in his name, paying the first month of rent on it and leaving a note on the door with the key. Might make it easier than seeing him .. of course, my H is acting very curious about all my rantings about wanting my business partner "out of the house"...
F4L