Where does the strength come from?
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Where does the strength come from?
| Fri, 01-02-2004 - 11:45am |
I need to get off the fence. One of my options is to stay in my marriage and really try to be happy for my son's sake. He's only 3. My H is a great dad but a lousy husband and a lousy step-dad to my 13 year old daughter. He's not abusive at all but he just showers the little guy with love and attention and me and my daughter are left to fend for ourselves. Anyway that is what I know I should do. Be a good person and stay. Here's the major problem, I'M IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN!
MM and I have no future plans. But how do I end it? He's my best friend. I have talked to him more in 6 months than I have ever talked to my h in 6 years. I feel like I don't have the strenght to stay away. I feel I will literally die inside without him. Seeing him will kill me. How do you walk away? I tried NC one time and when I got up and there wasn't a message on my VM I cried all the way to work. I actually get panic attacks just thinking about ending it. My life will be so lonely. Thanks.

Quiting these things seems to be a thing that happens in stages. Just starting to "think" about ending it is Stage 1, I think. You'll get use to the idea of it (the panic attacks will subside) and then you move on at your own pace. Think of it in terms of baby steps, really. I won't pretend it will be easy, but it can happen, many of us have been where you are now. Best to you.
Very easy words to say. I am also in love with my xmm (I am single), but he made no moves to divorce and I could not live this way any longer.
Once you start nc and stick with it, it should become easier. I am still in limited contact with xmm, but he contacts me. I initiate no contact with him and have asked that he stop all contact until he is divorced. He lays a pretty heavy guilt trip on me, but I cannot control that. I can control my life and mine alone. I am a firm believer in time healing all wounds. They will never completely go away, but we will live with them better as time goes on.
Time to focus on you and your life.
Good luck....
Again, the strength would have to come from within in order to keep the relationship strictly professional. It would be very difficult, I am sure.
I don't envy anyone in that position.
And for guilt? Mine was the pro at laying on a guilt trip, especially when he knew I had plans with someone else for an evening out. Illness, depression.... he even had a panic attack and checked himself into the hospital and upon his release, got into a car accident (thankfully, minor). I cannot be responsible for his pain right now. We wound up in our situation because he would not get a divorce, plain and simple. Had a divorce happened, we would still be together today. I can and will only focus on me. Sure, that is selfish, but what is it when he puts me on a major guilt trip because he is in an unhappy marriage? It was his decision to move back and stay with his wife, for whatever his reasons. It was not my decision or my choice. I have been seeing someone now and xmm had managed to make my life a living you know what until I said stop. He is still contacting me about once a day, but I initiate no contact and tell him when he calls that he must be divorced before anything could or would ever happen again. After what we have been through, I don't think I could go back to him upon his divorce, which I doubt will happen anyway.
We don't owe them anything until they are free to be with us (and us with them, if that be the case).
Sorry to have rambled.....
I am soooooo in love with MM, which is bad also because of his 3 kids. I am a miserable rotten B**** when I do not talk to him, we have had little physical contact, no sex, in a month, and it hurts unbelievably. But we are trying, he is succeeding better than me, for our kids sake, not so much our M's sake, at least that is me, I am still unsure of him. he says he is unhappy, but when I see the two of them together, they don't seem as unhappy as i am with my H. I cry all the time, I shut down, I am way too emotional to be able to be strong. he says he wants to be with me, but can't until he knows what he wants for sure. This sucks so bad. I am new in the "ending affair support", and am searching here now because I am thinking he is trying to end it gently, while i should be ending it for M's sake. I am in MC, and we shall see how it goes. Keep in touch, and I will too. maybe we can help each other thru.