Little things mean alot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Little things mean alot.
1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 8:56am
Over and over in my mind I thnk about the little things in life that mean alot, like a good morning greeting in person, hearing laughing from something funny on TV, just general talk about how the day went. I realize that I have that with my H. (He knows about MM). It's something I'll never have with XMM. He is in his world and I am in mine. I try to look at the reality of what we had and I tell myself that it's mostly about sex. Even tho we haven't in a long,long time. He acts like he can't let go of our "relationship", but when I tell him I know he is where he needs to be, he acknowledges that as "yes" to me very quickly.

I told him once that I wanted it all, maily to see what his response would be. He didn't say it would or wouldn't happen, he said I am part of his future if I want to be. Future as in 10 or 15 years down the road when he is finally ready to leave? When all of the kids have moved out? Thinking back over the course of the 2 years or so this has been going on, timing for our meetings, etc has been maily at his convience. and of course that statement about the future is about his convience too. I didn't see that in the beginning. A friend had to bring it to light for me. I was so caught up in him, his sweet words of lovin me, missing me, and needing me. I am finally, with each day seeing real side of this affair thing, and feeling more and more that it is not worth it one bit. He will be the loser in this game we have between us, not me, cause he will have lost me, a person that is loving, caring and giving. And when he does, he will come back, but I won't be there. My heart will heal in time, (Hope it's a short time). I'll move on, and get back to my life as it was before I met him. Just me and my H in our little world, getting on with day to day stuff.


Needed to vent, thanks for listening. I hope I don't end of eating any of the words I just wrote.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 11:12am
I read a wonderful quote once that talked about the fact that we live our lives from moment to moment, and how important it is to recognize those special "moments." Good for you for recognizing those moments and sharing them with your husband.

Yes, you're heart will heal. I never thought it would happen for me, but I'm very close (and never! thought I'd get there) - and recognizing my moments again, too.

Peace.... -j