back again, and hurting more this time

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
back again, and hurting more this time
4
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 8:35pm
I was fine... I got through the first 21 days, I was well on my way to getting through the first three months, and then.... out of nowhere... he emails me a week before christmas and tells me that he's leaving his wife and that while I wasn't THE reason, I helped.

And now.... I want him back so much I can't stand it. I just want to see him again. I want to hold him again and talk to him about all of this. I want to feel his kisses again. I don't want to go back to where we were, but ... I want to end it in person instead of ending everything through email and ims and all that crap.

Why did he do this? Why can't I get over it this time? Why am I hurting so much now? You know, a week and a half ago, I said, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry your marriage is screwed up, and that you're hurting and that it ended the way that it did, but I can't do this. I can't fix it, I can't be the person who helps you pick up the pieces.

But today, I can't get him out of my head... I can't stop thinking about him.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!

I just want to stop hurting and crying. And I thought the depression that I went into when I was with him and realized that I was in love with him was bad....

ccoh

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 8:55pm
i don't think there's anything wrong with you, don't be too hard on yourself. If you want to get back together with him (I'm assuming you're not married - sorry, I've forgotten the details of your story), I'd say to wait till he's really left his wife. Your post said he was going to, but has he really left?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 11:28pm
I am married... and I am absolutely in love with my husband.

But there is something about him that draws me like a moth to a flame.

Why can't I just get over him? Why can't he just get out of my life and leave me alone? And why is it I feel like I don't want him completely out of my life? When he was out of my life, I was so happy. Now, he comes back, and I'm miserable again. Why can't I just move on and say it's over?

I made a promise to myself, and to God that I would never do this with him again. But I soooo want to see him and to be with him and to talk to him.

I have to find the strength. I'm just so tapped out of being strong right now. I want to be weak. I want to have him make me strong again...

Why did I ever do this?

cc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 2:08am
Oh... you're married, well that makes everything so much harder... so am I, and I miss him very much too. I too love my husband, and I'm generally a good well-behaved girl, which makes it so frustrating that I still have feelings for my xOM. He's away now, but if he contacts me, I'll gladly chat with him. If he comes back and asks me out for coffee, and he will, I'll probably go. If he wants to have sex, I'll probably be too weak to resist. I know exactly how you feel!

Don't be like me, please be strong! Don't see him, in that way you won't have the opportunity to be weak. Run your 10km run and get him out of your system... Then when you have strength please tell us about it, to give weaklings like me some encouragement. Hey, I need you to be strong!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 7:47am
Therapy crazychico! Have you tried to work with a good therapist? This is an addiction you're struggling with. Is there a codependents anonymous in your area? I found that helpful when I was married to a drug addict -- the issues you're dealing with are similar though it's a different problem.

your MM has a lot to go through between now, the actual divorce decree and dealing with the emotional and family aftermath. Give him the time he needs to sort through his life and the time you need to break the addiction.

If you can look back after a year and say, this is the man I belong with, go for it. My bet is you'll look back and thank God that you got help and broke it off.