please help! need advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
please help! need advice?
4
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 9:32am
i wrote in a couple days ago explaining the situation.... well now everything is up in the air ! there a few things i left out of the equation... my boyfriend now is a former drug addict . he was physically abusive and still is since he has hit me once on xmas eve and one on xmas day. he still is actively verbally abusive . i do love him but i dont know if he is the best thing for me and my 3 children. i had an affair while he was in prison for 8 months , fell in love but this om has a girlfriend. now last night the om came to my door and told my best friend that he is leaving his girlfriend so he can be with me and he wants me to make a decision. i am so scared!!! i am totally confused because as everyone has heard once in an abusive relationship , emotionally it is hard to walk away. i am getting what i dreamed about , this om is leaving his current girlfriend to be with me! my best friend does not get along with this om but she did feel he was sincere , and so do i . what should i do?? i would really appreciate a little feedback. thanks guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 10:32am
Personally, I would get out of the relationship because of the physical abuse. No one is worth that, no matter what. It's not going to get any better. It's not healthy for you or your children.

Take time for yourself and don't "jump" right into a new relationship. An A is fantasy, so expect the relationship to change when it's out in the open.

I sure wouldn't want to be married to the real XMM, although the fantasy one was really great.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 11:51am
I married an abuser. They get worse. Only 2% of them change. My husband was great (until the day after we married). He was everything I wanted. Abusers are wired wrong. Once they have you they will chip away at your self esteem until you have none. Please see the abuser message boards. It it so hard to get out once you are in a relationship. Yes, he is wonderful now. He will change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:34pm

Get out of your present relationship as quickly as you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:22pm
Trisha, his being abusive has changed my perspective of things... I have seen my aunt and cousins suffer with an abusive father, and it is not pretty. Say that OM wasn't even in the picture - are you sure you want an abusive father for your children? Not to say an abusive spouse who's already hit you once after leaving prison?

I agree with chris, if your OM really cares for you, he will step back, wait till you're ready. Leave him out of this for now.