pitty party

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
pitty party
6
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 11:16am
First of all I would like to say that this board is great. I now know that Im not the only one in this rut. I know now that these horrible feelings are somewhat normal.

We have all made bad choices and now we all have to deal with them the best that we can. We all deserve better.

This board has helped me realize that, God knows that I have read enough of your posts to realize that. Im glued to it. When is the time to just let go of the board and live life. By reading the board nonstop like I do its almost like Im just wollering in my own self pitty, but I cannot stop myself. You guys are almost the only support I have. My friends have their own lives and their own problems, I tried talking to a frined of mine and she was too worried about a pety issue of hers to listen to me. (I know it my not have been small to her)

Anyway, am I spending too much time on here, is it doing me more harm than good. Is that possible. I wish I could just pull myself up by my bootstrings and move on......and never look back. The reality is that Im not strong enough. Maybe I need someone to smack me back into reality....I need to move on and do the thing that need to be done, hell I havent even cleaned my house in a week.

I guess what Im asking is if this is normal.......the pitty party. The obsessive reading of the posts.

I want so badly to get over this the healthiest way I can......

What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: me911cc
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 11:54am
I agree with you. The more I read, the more I feel sorry for myself, that I'm the one not knowing my self-worth. I've read a lot of posts on this board, and on one hand, I feel better and learned more on the reality and effects of affairs, but on the other hand, it makes me think more about my situation and life, and I keep thinking that something's wrong with me (that's the last thing anyone should think!).

I do have to thank for the existence of this board. It helps to read others' experience, and have some support when you have to vent or questions to ask. Everyone here is so helpful to one another, and we should be grateful for the compassion! Still, at some point, we all need to move on with our life, and let go.

As for what I would do? Since self-worth is the problem, I am guessing that I'll spend more time doing things that I enjoyed, and maybe pick up some hobbies and interests, and "live life," like you said! I think I'll look back once in a while, but I don't want to think of myself as a victim, or the one that was hurt (I think all that involve in an A, including the man, do feel hurt or lost in someway). I would prefer to think that it's another life lesson for all involved, and now, I learned to love myself a little more :)

Good luck to you all!

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: me911cc
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 1:05pm
What you are describing sounds normal. It is a stage that you are going through. Eventually you will grow weary of the posts...you will get tired of sitting in front of the computer. I gather your ending of the A is recent....As time goes on you will be cleaning your house again and "living a life". This board is meant to give you support and be a tool to help you with your healing, not be a cure all for what is going on. Maybe you need some therapy to help you through, or some new interests.....whatever it is, if you need to have a pity party then you do that. I did, and I have moved on. I do not come to the Board that often anymore, and if I do I'm usually lurking. XOM is becoming a memory....a bad experience.

So give yourself a break, and stop feeling abnormal. Now get off the computer and go clean your house girl!

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: me911cc
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 6:36pm
I'm with you on this one -- I was here frequently, starting last Nov. before Tgiving -- getting ready to end my affair. After I ended it, I stayed on alot for a while for strength & support. Then I stopped completely because I didn't want to stay in the mental place of "being a woman who had an affair" -- I was really ready to move on to a new "me."

Something about the holidays brought me back -- I guess because it was last Thanksgiving that I started reading the posts here & finding my way to freedom.

I'll be leaving here again soon -- like you guys, I'm so grateful to this board and the help it gave me that I may come back from time to time to pitch in my support and to say -- I'm free, you can be too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
In reply to: me911cc
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:34pm
Don't worry, after some time you just won't feel like coming to the board anymore. And hey, there's nothing wrong with using a support network!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
In reply to: me911cc
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 6:36pm
You are so on track with what I've seen happen often. Everything you posted is exactly what other's have experienced - including myself. I use to be completely glued to this site for hours on end - reading all I could (trying to gleen something, anything that would help me). And you know, it really did help. Sometimes it's "all" you can do to help yourself - all you have the strength for. It's a process, and you'll slowly start to heal, and things "will" get back to normal, and you "will" get to a point where you don't need this site anymore. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's o.k. - and you're doing something positive for yourself - that's a good thing!!

I come back occasionally myself to get a booster shot - and to, hopefully, pass on the hope that it's possible to live through this nightmare we've managed to get ourselves into. I'm living proof, honey - you'll get there. It hurts, but they're growing pains - I promise. -j

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
In reply to: me911cc
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 7:09pm
Thank you all for your feedback, i really appreciate it.....it helps a great deal. Its really great to read about those of you that have moved on. Congratulations to you all....your my inspiration.

As you can see, I have not yet let go of the board, but Im not here quite so often, Im only here abut 20 times a day instead of 50, ha ha.

Im am doing better, tomorrow will be a week since our ending and my blow-up. Yesterday was bad, very bad, I seen him......we fought. I think that is what I needed though. It gave me the closure that I think I needed.

Today has been much better, I realize that I have more important things to worry about......my kids for one, bless their hearts, I havent been the most attentive moma to them lately. I also realized that I need to think about me. I have to have some minor surgery tomorrow, better to go with a positive attitude.

I dont plan on contacting him again. I need to focus on my kids and myself and rebuilding our life.

Again, thank you all for everything.

cc