Need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Need to vent
4
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 2:27pm
Well I slogged through the holidays and although I was feeling pretty strong before then, I sure don't now. It's been about 2 months of NC, I've stopped counting now. OM left online and said he would be in touch. I still check my email every day thinking he will write and say he misses me, loves me and can't stand the NC. Of course it isn't there.

I try to go on with a "normal" life here with H and family but think about him constantly. Especially in bed at night and first thing in the morning. When will this pain end? I can't really say it's gotten better, I have gotten more used to the pain I guess. Part of me just can't believe it's really over. I'm so jealous when I think of him with his GF now. I know he loves me but what can we do? It's like I'm not happy here but can't leave for him...especially now when he has left me. Sometimes I get really angry at him for giving up but that doesn't help or make me feel better cause the bottom line is I am still thinking about him.

thanks all for listening, just reading your posts make me feel I'm not alone.

having a bad day,

careful

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: careful2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 3:00pm

Careful, you have one point exactly right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: careful2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 6:32pm
you really need the time and space NC is giving you. You're not banished! You're giving yourself time to heal. My xMM did pursue me when I initiated NC. You know what I found out? He was NOT what I wanted. I realized I had nothing left for him at all.

But even knowing that, it did hurt and I did think about him (like the grief stages -- anger, bargaining, acceptance, etc.) for about 4-5 mos. after it ended.

I'm now almost a year free and I no longer feel anything for him. Every once in a while he pops up but I can say hello and just keep walking without stopping or looking back.

Give yourself this time. And use your anger to protect yourself from this thing.

Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
In reply to: careful2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:15pm
Thanks so much for your answers. I feel like I am making myself miserable but can't control it. You guys give me hope though. Chris, I feel like I have no energy or desire to work on my M right now. Maybe that will come later? I don't know. I just know now how incredibly much it is missing and has been for 20 + yrs. You are sure right about one thing...I need to keep busier. Sitting around thinking and fantasizing about OM all the time is driving me crazy.

Foolnomore, you said that after a year "I no longer feel anything for him." I hope that is what happens to me but right now I can not imagine it. 4-5 months huh? I'll try to hold on that long and hopefully things will be better.

thanks again,

careful

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: careful2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:59pm
oh sweetie -- I hope it happens that way for you too -- I'm SO happy to be free of the affair.

Even though I can say I'm free after a year and that 4-5 mos. I mourned that's kind of leaving out the fact that for the last year or so of the affair, I wanted out & was miserable and so ready to end it. I changed lots of things -- I started dating again (i'm single), I spent more time with friends, I stopped breaking plans to be with MM, started choosing to be alone more, started "forgetting" my cell-phone in the car until after he'd call, I worked through lunch rather than see MM. I cried alot that last year. I was so tired of the guilt & hiding.

so the 4-5 mos. was from the date I initiated NC. But I was SO ready by then.

I remember someone told me to stick with breastfeeding for at least 6 weeks & then I could decide to quit. Once I made it through those 6 weeks, it was a breeze. I'm telling you to make it 5 mos. and see where you are, okay?

good luck!! this is my last post for a while and I'll take your story with me & think about you & wish you much strength and eventually happiness!!