I was just thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
I was just thinking
3
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 1:40pm
Here I am, pouting around with a miserable look on my face. Trying every day not to cry about missing my OM. My ds said yesterday you never cook supper anymore. How ironic that I gave up my A and the LOML for my family, my children that is, and I am so miserable that they aren't getting the mother they deserve either. So we are all losing out. Wouldn't it be better if I were happy, for them, even if it meant breaking up the family?

I know this is an age old debate and I don't mean to get that started. But my ds will be gone to college next year. So, for today I will cook dinner, clean the house, and try to be a happy mom for my kids. After all, look at what I am giving up to be here for them, I may as well make it good.

Careful

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 2:48pm

After all, look at what I am giving up to be here for them, I may as well make it good.


Weren't you a mother first???

Iknowitstime

(and so do you)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:17am
Careful, I feel for you.... you are very right - that is a tough call... when are you really the best influence on your kids -- miserable in a bad marriage, or happy out the marriage with their father? Here is a real world case to consider: My best friend who is now 37, had parents who "stayed together for the kids", everyone was unhappy, but they were together. They sat at the dinner table together, but it was obvious the conversation was between the kids and one or the other of the parents. The parents didn't communicate freely about every day things. The kids felt like they had to be the catalyst for group conversations, they felt like they had to promote and encourage both parents to participate in events, as one or the other would have an excuse so they didn't have to be together more than necessary. She remembers being together, she doesn't remember fun, happiness, laughter. Her parents finally got divorced 10 years ago, but she still feels very guilty that it was because of her that her parents spent the prime of their lives so unhappy. She also struggles with being angry that because they were unhappy, she felt guilty in wanting to be happy. She didn't want to go out with friends growing up because she knew her mom was at home doing nothing. She felt like she had to always be there to try to facilitate some sort of happiness. She is sad that because her parents "stayed together for the kids", they all missed out on enjoying too many years. She never knew her mom had a twinkle in her eye, never knew she could REALLY laugh until she was 27 years old. They were together all right.... It breaks my heart for all of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 11:09am
Well, I'm not sure how long it's been but you have to cut yourself a little slack. There's naturally going to be a mourning period when you end an A and you have to push through that. You can't go back to xMM because you're having a hard time getting over him and it's affecting things. In time you'll return to your normal self.

I'm wondering if it's really the end of your A that's bothering you or if it's your life in general. If you aren't happy in your M you have to investigate that, COMPLETELY outside of your EMA. You can stay for your children but I can tell you that it's never easy for your parents to split, even when your children are grown. They will adjust, in time. Take some time for you and figure out what you want in life. Do you want to be in your M 10, 15, 20 years down the line? What will make YOU happy? Sex on the side is not the answer and you know it.