Free Therapy or Unnecessary Suffering?
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Free Therapy or Unnecessary Suffering?
| Wed, 01-07-2004 - 3:55pm |
FYI
I guess Oprah has an upcoming show on "The Other Woman." Here is the link if you want to be on the show.
I'd like to see some smart and sassy women on the show to represent "US."
https://www.oprah.com/plugger/templates/BeOnTheShow.jhtml?action=respond&plugId=D79600001
Katja

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I agree that it would be nice to have some 'real' and 'average' OW. IMHO, ain't gonna happen. They will probably dig up some bimbo who goes out repeatedly with several different MM and comes across as the idiot the audience loves to hate. I think that any smart OW wouldn't ever put herself on TV and air all of the tragic details of her life. It would hurt too many people. I, for one, would never do it...I would be a great guest, too, with 5 years of affair experience and pain...I could be the affair poster-child...However, the thing that makes it an affair is the secrecy and shame. I'm not about to blow everything all out in the open to be publicly humiliated. Now, if they hid your identity - like juvinile deliquents, etc., then I'd really be interested in telling the whole world what it feels like to be an OW. If they did it that way, they would see the real people behind affairs. Unfortunately, I don't think that's the kind of TV that Oprah's looking to produce - I like Oprah and all - but, society would rather hate OW, then get to know the real people. The producers will undoubtedly play into that and produce more of a Jerry Springer type of OW. I've seen it done on Dr. Phil that way and it made me sooooo mad. Just the questions on the Oprah site let you know that they don't get it...
"Why do you think you date married men? Did you have feelings of guilt for his wife or children? Do you regularly find yourself dating married men?"
It's drama TV - not the thing that a real longterm affair is made of. They probably wouldn't be interested in an OW who was in a bad marriage and couldn't see a way out, made a serious error in judgement and in the process fell in love with a MM, finally got the courage to leave her emotionally abusive H, dreamed that MM would get out of his bad marriage and join her, a MM that actually did join her for awhile - got scared - and ran back home, and left the OW sitting there contemplating the meaning of life and in enormous pain...an OW trying to pick up the pieces after being in an affair longer than some marriages....No, that isn't probably the person that would boost the ratings...but, it's closer to reality.
Bird
I think that everyone at this board knows the truth and to hell what the world thinks. They will think what they want anyway.
Actually, I almost signed up for it.
I agree, it would have to be someone over the top. I just always hope and pray that women will someday acheieve equality with men. I guess cheating will always be a dirty word for women and it will always be passable/acceptable/recoverable for men. Just look at that case in Rwanda where they wanted to execute a woman for having a baby with a married man. No fault to the man of course...
In the case of my MM friends/lover, them cheating is OK... as I've seen too many times to count.. business trips and all. But, when I ask them if they'd forgive their wife if she had an affair... they always say "I'd leave her ass.. or the like.." It might just be macho beer talk, but I don't know.
It just came out that Charles Lindberg had a whole other family in another country. And who really cares? NO one... There is no one trying to take his picture out of the Aviation hall of fame. It's just OK. It's acceptable.
I guess I'd want other women to know that when a MM has it in his mind to make you his, he is very convincing. Very emotional... sharing with you parts of himself "he's never told anyone about before." It's never a question. MM always picks up the check. MM always holds the door open. MM is always a gentleman. MM never asks you to take care of the dirty details of his life, like laundry or bills. MM treats you like a queen and you get swept away. MM can promise you the moon and the stars... within the saftey of knowing he never really has to deliver.
OK I'm on a tangent. I just wanted to let you know that your probably right.
Katja
Great points that you made! So true, these men promise us so much, but oh how quickly they can change their minds! My XMM, one year ago, was telling me he "loved me more than life itself," and would one day take care of me and my kids "as if they were his own." Then the other day when we spoke, one of the things he said was, "Well, nothing lasts forever." Ouch!!
I have been thinking of you....isn't your baby due any day now?? How exciting! Is this your first?? Please keep us updated! Hugs to you -- mpjcmom
MOM,
MY second and last baby! I guess I should never say never though. Because who ever thought you, I or anyone would have been in an affair... After all..
"Well, nothing lasts forever."
I don't believe that for one second. I know that the love a mother has for a child lasts forever. Right?
Not only that, but what we're surviving through now, will teach us lessons that last forever. I think just being here indicates that we want to take something negative and turn it into a positive...FOREVER...
NOPE, no baby yet, I'll post
KATJA
I hope no one is thoroughly P.O.ed at me. I just got a bug up my butt and sent the following message to Oprah. Probably won't do anything...but, hey. Maybe a staff member or two will lurk and see what 'typical OW' are like and that they really aren't doing a show about 'typical OW'...they'll do some public lynching on some bimbo. Anyway, here's the message that I sent:
I thought about your request for 'other women' guests for a few days, now. I am not volunteering to be a guest on your show. But, I felt strongly enough about this issue to let you know that I think you will never get an accurate picture of 'the other woman'. You will undoubtedly get some women that respond who are proud to date married men. These are not your typical other women... these are just the women that everyone loves to hate and makes for good TV ratings. Your typical 'other women' wouldn't humiliate themselves or hurt numerous people by coming on TV. Generally, other women have low self-esteem and feel trapped...they are not the flamboyant types that think what they are doing is justified. They are women that are so lost beyond belief and hurt immensely. They are not strong enough to take on a public lynching just to try to prove a point. I think you guys just don't really get it because you asked the question, 'What makes you date married men?'
I think if you truly want to see what an other woman is like, you will check out this website at http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlending
It is a support board (mostly comprised of women) for people that were or are still involved in an affair. Check it out and you will see exactly what the typical 'other women' is like. I think when you comprise your guest list, the similiarities between the other women on your list and those at the support group will be minimal.
If you truly care about showing America what an 'other women' is like, you will change your tactics. Actually, I'm not sure you will ever be able to show the nation what we are like...we are just like them...but, who would want to admit that to themselves?
How do I know all of this? Because I have been involved in an affair for 5 years now and cannot find my way out for the life of me. You want to know pain? Check out all of the 'other women' on that ivillage.com website...It's a real eye-opener.
Bird
Woah..
Good on you.... I like it.. It would be cool if it's headed... at any rate, I think your letter is fantastic.
Much admiration from me....
Katja
I didn't send the message anonymously. I put my real name and phone number down on the form. They will be able to contact me if they want to. I just would never in a million years risk telling my story on TV. I have spent five years trying to keep from hurting everyone. You think I'm going to blow that...I'd be nuts. Can you say, "suicide mission"? I'm hoping no one here thinks I overstepped the bounds by encouraging 'outsiders' to lurk on our board. But hey, it's the Internet.
Bird
How about taking into consideration our feelings? Living with a H who cannot have a intimate relationship with you. The Mm who's W has figured she's done her duty, she's not interested in sex anymore and not interested in doing anything about it?
I have tried EVERYTHING I could to get my H to have a physical relationship, and mostly to no avail. It only ended up in frustration and crying for me. I was too young to go without that in my life.
Well, I was VERY shocked when we were talkin about this at a coffee break, and one of the guys said "DR. PHIL HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIS INTERN YEARS AGO. AND HIS WIFE ROBIN, FORGAVE HIM FOR IT!!" I could not believe that he could sit there such a hypocrit and make judgements on other people if he's done the same thing!! My friend SWEARS its true, says its posted somewhere on his website. I don't know i that's true, I haven't checked it out yet.
But imagine that, the pot calling the kettle black. Think again before you try to downgrade us. We're just people, trying to find a little love/companionship/tenderness in a world where it can be very difficult at times.
Dusty
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