the nail in the coffin
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the nail in the coffin
| Thu, 01-08-2004 - 4:37pm |
I have lurked here for a few months and received so much help and advice from reading the messages. I haven't contributed because as someone else said I really didn't feel I could help anyone in the state I've been in. The short version of my story is that I was in a physical and emotional affair for a long time. We were in love but both married and unwilling to leave our marriages for many reasons. We ended it mutually in August and have been in NC since then. I went through all the pain everyone else here has described, pulled myself together and got back into my real life as much as possible. I really thought i was doing OK until I crashed and burned and broke contact to send him an email about something in my life I thought he would want to know - an excuse, I know but it turned out not to matter anyhow as the account we used to communicate through has been closed. When that email came back as undeliverable I felt pain as sharp as the day we ended things. Although I know he closed it in order to maintain no contact and although I have blocked him on my email I can't describe how hurt I was to realize that the last way possible way to contact him was gone. I had no idea how tightly I was holding on to the idea that I could contact him if I wanted to, even though I didn't even try for more than five months. It's like my brain finally wrapped itself around the concept that it's over. Has anyone else had this epiphany so long after the actual ending or am I just a slow learner?
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