I feel hysteria coming on... help !

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
I feel hysteria coming on... help !
1
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 9:47am
Well.. I have been on the "high" of making up my mind to end the EMA since right before the New Year... And I have been doing GREAT! Until..this AM...

The OMM is here for the week for business...and techinically he is still here. He got in at midnight last night so we did not have an opportunity to talk - or rather --for ME to talk until this AM.

The first thing he wanted was SEX of course, and when I said no.. he started badgering me about it.. then...I told him that the relationship was OVER. He asked if it was the friendship and all - and I said I didnt know, but I DID know there would NOT be sex ever again. So, then he started reminding me of "how I have changed my mind about him so many times in the past..and that when he respected my decisions before about the A, he "got in trouble"(meaning, I was hurt that he didnt try to talk me out of it..)I told him that THIS time I meant it. I had made up my mind that while I loved him in the past, and had hoped for something special and wonderful between us, that I could not continue the relationship with him knowing that he was sleeping around and on a constant mission to find his next 'piece'.

He said OK, and went about his business. I guess that is the BEST result I could have hoped for.. but then I felt myself starting to waiver... all the "what ifs"..the feeling like I was letting go so something that I still wanted to hold onto... kinda like having a grasp on an old friend and they were still slipping away.

And yes, I did feel some sense of hurt that it seemed so easy to let it go ( for now.. I KNOW I will get more pressure...)

So I'm asking for some help in keeping my resolve about ending it.. and I am working towards NC - but until the business is totally dissolved and finalized, we still have to be in almost constant contact..

F4L

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 11:13am
F4L,

You did the right thing... I think it's good that your angry about feeling "so easy to be replaced." I think that is the hardest thing to get over... It's hard to let go of feeling so special. I know no one wants to let that special feeling go... myself included. You did great girl... keep up you resiliance... I promise you somewhere in that stubborn exterior you have effected him... just bottle that and move on...

If you waiver in the goal you've set for yourself...NC. It will hurt for so much longer then it has to..

Be kind to yourself. Be good to yourself... Move toward things in life that are good for you and away from those that are bad.

Stay strong!

Katja