The last email............

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
The last email............
4
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:12pm
So this is where it is. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel and the clouds have lifted for some reason. I'll figure it all out in counseling I'm sure. I think I'm just plain sick of hurting over someone who obviously wasn't who I thought he was. Here's what he wrote this morning:

"I think enough questions have been answered L***. Lets leave this alone like you agreed to a few days ago. It's not going to do any good to ask questions that have been covered time and time again in the past. All that's going to come of it are more hard feelings if we start to communicate again. I told you that I don't hate you and I meant that. I would like to leave this as friends. It sounds as if we both have our own issues that need to be dealt with on an individual basis. At least I know I do and I have to find resolve in them for myself. I really do wish you the best and I hope you succeed in getting that bike and everything else you want.

M***"

And I wish he would have included an "I'm sorry" in there somewhere. But I never was gonna get what I wanted was I?

ILLE

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:46pm
Guess you can forget about the "i'm sorry". Hi I'm Dusty, guess I'm coming back over to this board again. I had NC with my MM for about 8 weeks this fall, then he contacted me again. And like a fool, I went back to him right away. There was hardly no "I'm sorry" or anything like that. Just "I was busy and thought I needed a break. I had to concentrate on home, blah, blah, blah". Why was I so STUPID to go and see him again? Just when I was starting to get over him??

I tell you, they are VERY self-centered. Its ALL about them. And the H*ll with you, when it boils right down to it, they care very little about your feelings. They're only concerned about their ownselves.

Sorry, I'm very bitter today. Guess I'm back into NC again. Take care,

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 8:34pm
I can feel your pain, I have questions too, I have asked them to no avail. Just kept getting bull instead of answers. I gave up on that aspect of it. I agree with what you said about being "sick of hurting over someone who obviously wasnt who I thought he was"

AMEN.

How can these men change like the seasons. I wish I could do the same. If I could I wouldnt be here.

I wish you all of the luck and just remember your not alone.

cc
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sat, 01-10-2004 - 9:43am
Ille,

Thanks for posting... I see many simularities in this e-mail as the one I got from my XMM.

1) I thought we had worked this out... (men hate repeating themselves and don't tend to dwell on the past and if they do they sure as hell will not admit it.)

2) Let's be friends (aka I don't want to feel guilty...and in my mind I've done nothing wrong.)

3) Issues (AKA pressure from his wife to reform or the likeihood that someone is/was on to him)

4)Wish you the best (How could anyone ever hate me? I'm such a lovable guy..see I want the best for you)

5) almost forgot to mention this line... "like you agreed to a few days ago" Mine was "I thought this was all straight" (in other words... he can break his promises to you no question... but how could you, you crazy lady...still be sad.... we had a deal...how dare you break your promise...)

Yeah, that's what I got out of the last e-mail mine and yours. I wish it didn't hurt so bad. I know what you mean about the apollogy... I didn't get one either... he wrote, if you want me to apollogize for caring about you and trying to be your friend then I'm sorry. (WHAT?)

I guess I wanted my apology to be more like...

I'm sorry for putting your heart throught the ringer, when all along I knew I could never leave my wife and kids. I'm sorry for telling you I loved you, when I couldn't do anything about it except hurt you.

Is that what you mean? a real apology? I don't think these real men of ours would ever admit to hurting anyone.... because they would shatter their own perfect "good guy" delusion of themsleves.

JMO,

Katja...

Still can't believe how simular it was..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:21am
Thank you all for posting and Katja - I'm sorry you've experienced the same treatment as me. Although it makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone, I wouldn't wish this crap on anyone.

I believe he was so cold for two reasons: 1) cuz I messed with him (called his house) and he said he would never intentionally hurt me and I intentionally hurt him - hence breach of "friendship" and 2) because if he's gonna give family counseling 100% having me in the picture at all is contradictory (memories of me included).

And the question that lingers most of all for me is: would the outcome be the same had I not been a jerk at the end? If I had been more patient and not called his house, would we still be where we are now? He told me on the phone that he thought of me all day on my birthday, that it was very difficult not being able to act on the feelings he had for me, and that he would explore a relationship with me if his situation ever changes. Today at this very moment - I don't even care.........lol. I've been waiting for this feeling for a LONG time. I hope you're getting there too.

ILLE