Do any of your close friends or
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Do any of your close friends or
| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:33pm |
relatives know of your relationship/past relationship with OM/MM/OW?If so, how do they feel about that and treat you because of it?And also do you feel somewhat of a relief having someone to talk to about it or is it more of a burden?
Emma

That is why I am so glad to have found this board. I need a safe place to talk about some of this.
Am I ashamed of it? Sort of, because I was raised with values that says it is. Do I feel that bad about all of it? Not really.
I found it helpful to have someone to talk to (in my real world). But i have found, that only the people that post on this board, truly understand the complexities of an EMA--the feelings behind it.
I feel a real kindred spirit with all of you.
Clarice
As far as my family is concerned he was just a very good friend that I hung out with. I did sometimes get comments about "what does his wife think about him being with you so often?" Interestingly, one of the most challenging stories to come up with was how to explain why he wasn't around anymore after we broke up. We'd been such good friends and had spent so much time together that it was very obvious when I was no longer seeing him.
I've become a very good story teller (liar) over the last two years. Sometimes I'm amazed that people believed what we told them...maybe they didn't but were just too polite to confront either him or me. It would be interesting to take a poll to see how many people really knew that we were having an affair.
I think that when something is such a big part of your life, people who are close to you know that something is going on.
My xMM and I broke up at the same time I lost my job. It was devastating but sometimes I was relieved that I was able to explain my sadness and depression on the fact that I'd been laid off. I couldn't hide my sadness and it would have been hard to explain it to my friends and family since I couldn't say, "I just ended a relationship."
Spouse found out in a bad way and we were on the way to divorce, but then MM's W had MM and I followed by PI's and it got scarey for my family so I went back to H. I told my mom, sister and about 6-7 close friends about the A when it was still going on and thought I was leaving H (they didn't know about PI stuff). They were all hurt that I couldn't talk to them about my previous unhappiness (which, in part, led to the A). People at work thought something was going on before it happened--
My H told a lot of people, when we were separated and I don't blame him, but it makes being back at home hard. I don't really talk to ANYONE anymore. We don't do as much as a family or with other couples. "Maintaining" is a good way to put it. Kind of like the life I had before the H.
I know I was dishonest, being in the A, but I had spent YEARS lying to myself and making excuses for spouse's lack of participation in my life and of my kids. I covered for him at every school function and everytime I shoveled the snow from the driveway or had to wheelbarrow the wood from the backyard to the wood pile.
I am "back" with H and everyone thinks things are back to normal--that H and I just had a blip on the radar. But, I am more miserable than ever, lying to myself more than anyone will ever know because I do not love him in the way he hopes or thinks and I need to get the courage to get a divorce.
I have been NC for a long time now. It had not been easy for me. But I will make it thru this.
I have always been good at giving advice to my friends cause I'm the one they would all run to in time of trouble. Boy, If I could have just listened to some of the things I have told them in the past, I would not be here right now.
But you live and learn. Time to move on.
My friends are very special to me and us 4 ol' girls are very tight. I'm lucky to have them.
TCOM
My current boyfriend even knows. He's also divorced and understands the temptation to hide away from the real world but is also proud of me for deciding to live a fuller and healthier life by leaving MM (and being open to meeting him!)
Close friends I have few of, two female and three male. All of them knew about my affair and all of them knew GB. My husband is one of those three. My family knew as well. Neither GB's wife, family nor friends knew anything. Coworkers often suspected but did not say anything. I did not hide my affair. I did hide some of the specific activities.
~Chris~