That old familiar spark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
That old familiar spark
7
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 5:10am
My 5 month affair ended 2 months ago due to things he was going

through at work and home. He said he still wanted to be friends

because he felt like he could talk to me about anything.

The first couple of weeks was awkward when I would see him

at work, we would exchange hello's and have normal conversation

within a group.

But that seems to be changing a bit. For the last 3 or 4 weeks

we talk and pick on each other more and I catch him looking at me and that old familiar

spark is back in his eyes. This week he came to my office and sat down and

we talked about different things, and I came so close to asking him if

he had been thinking about starting our affair again, but I didn't.

I want to so bad, because I would.

One of our co-workers whom is also a friend of both of ours and knows

about the affair says that I need to talk to him, because he may be

thinking the same thing and wanting me to bring the subject up first.

He says he knows us both well enough and sees that the strong attraction is

still there.

The saying that the eyes say it all is really true. My XMM's eyes get all glazed over and his cheeks get all flushed, that is what I mean by the old familiar spark in his eyes.

I don't want the opportunity to pass me by if there is another chance to be with him again.It was great while it lasted, so intense and passionate.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 7:20am

Do you know that this is the ENDING board? Do you want advice on how to, and why you should, END your affair?


I get the impression all you want is advice and support on how to continue in it.


Why don't you work on your marriage and put the same effort into it instead of this affair?

Callistus


"Follow men's eyes as they look to the sky, the shifting shafts of shining

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 10:25am
Ditto, Callistus....(n/t)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 10:43am
Well I sympathize with you. If you are going to work together, talk, flirt(?), it is bound to start up again in which case you may enjoy the Affair board more. But if you really think you need to stop the affair, we are here to help you. Only you can make that decision. I know it is easy for some to say put that work into your marriage but it is certainly not that simple. I don't even remember if you said you are married.

Good Luck,

~~careful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 11:17am
Oh, tempted, I know that spark! A spark like that lit up my life once...


As others have pointed out, though, this is a support board for those who are trying to or have ended an affair. Sounds like that is not your issue....

However, since you ask, I do have some advice for you, the same advice I'd give anyone contemplating an affair, or a renewal of one. That advice is, before you take any action READ THIS BOARD! Read current posts, old posts, any subject that catches your eye. And read on the Betrayed Spouses Support board. These boards make a pretty convincing case that affairs lead to one place - THE HOUSE OF PAIN. And much of the pain is suffered by innocents. Many of us here didn't want to end it - we were/are deeply in love with the XMM and each day without contact is agony. But the secrecy, the shame, the doubt eat away at the relationship and our self-esteem and our marriages (you didn't mention if you are married - I am not). And married men seldom leave even unhappy marriages for the OW (my XMM's wife came out as a lesbian. No kids. And they're still married!) We are here because we know that we need to let go, and live in the light again.

Remember, ALL these stories started with that spark! But see how they ended.....do you really want to go there?

Whatever you decide, keep reading and posting on these boards. Ended or not, nobody should have to go through an affair alone. Good luck to you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 2:06pm


Glazed look in eyes + flushed cheeks + bulge in pants = LUST not love, lust has over powered reason for him and he is back to get that WANT met by you.

You may not have looked down for the bulge but it was there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 10:51pm
It always interests me when someone on the ending an affair site posts about wanting to continue or restart an affair. I think you're here because you want to stay out of the affair but feel those old tempting feelings.

I remember Betty Ford talking about her alcoholism and people always asking her when she "hit bottom" with her drinking. The story I recall is that she said she didn't wait to hit bottom before she did something about her problem. Are you hoping to restart your affair so you can see just how terrible things can get? Realistically, affairs only end badly.

His eyes are probably horny eyes. You deserve better than that. You deserve a man who loves you and makes you a priority in his life. You don't need to settle for crumbs of eye contact!

Re-read your post and think if your sister or daughter told you that story. What would you tell her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 10:14am
AAAHHHH, that old familiar spark that got ALL of us into this heart wrenching mess called the affair! We gave and we gave and in the end when MM went back to his wife and children......we were the ones that suffered what we thought was a horrendous loss!


Eventually, we DO learn and we realized that we DO have a choice and that choice is allowing ONLY above board relationships in our lives because that is what each of us deserves.

Tempted1963, I hope that it won't be long before you find this reality because the only things these roller-coaster affair relationships do accomplish is eventual PAIN as we allow MM to use us like doormats!

Please don't be a doormat any longer!