Help Please/Back Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Help Please/Back Again
2
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 11:37am
Not sure who will remember me, I haven't been around awhile. But, I'm back b/c I returned to my MM....and I HATE myself for it. We stayed apart for about 3 months, although since we work together we never had 'NC'. we ended up together last week and I'm just sick over it! I want him to feel like a booty call but I think I was the victim! (Yes I fell for him and become weak if the opportunity arises) I don't know who I"m more angry at hm or me:| What is my problem??? I know part of it is I just want to be loved! Yes, I know this isn't love and that he cannot love me nor would a relationship work with him even if he did leave his wife. (I'm not that dumb)I see ALL of the red flags...they don't seem to matter. I know he isn't worth any of my energy and I deserve so much better. I am SO PISSED! When will this be worth letting go of???!! When can I be strong enough?? I try to think the worst of him...cuz it's actually true but you kow how that goes. It's hard to want anybody else. I feel like I'm cheating on my MM when I'm with other men...how wrong is that!? I feel so unloveable and unworthy.


No longer lostinpace but stuckinmudd

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:32am
okay, i've never had IC with my OM, but i know exactly how you feel. How is it that we are 'ok' during NC, then in a sudden bout of weakness.. ( in my case a simple what now? email) then its back all over.

I feel like s**t, and know that he isn't- Or can't be. its just too damn easy for him to say whatever, and i am hooked like a bloated fish.. just a few typed words and i am in it to the ears and then when none of the promises come through, as usual, i am pissed and start the whole b***hing session over in my emails and text messages and he's gone again..

or was he always gone.. thats what i wonder.. just hang in there.i know that every time i get a bit stronger. i know that with every unfulfilled promise, or waiting for nothing, i gain a tinge of my self esteem back.. i hope soon that its all back for good and that when or if he beckons again i can flip him the bird... lets hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:54am
Thank you for responding. I should change my NC to NIC (no intimate contact) I work with him and see him everyday. We've tried to be friends...but how do you be friends with your ex-lover/MM?! I did date other men during that time and that's when he wanted me the most (and of course got me) I AM getting sick of this roller coaster ride...it is not fun anymore. So glad the weekend is over...it was a long one...!!!





Edited 4/5/2004 9:00 am ET ET by lostinpace