Night #1, really rough
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Night #1, really rough
| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:22am |
Wasnt a good night after ending it with him. For some stupid pathethic reason I thought he would of called to ask why I ended it.
For the first time in my life, I actually looked forward coming to work today, and thats bad.
If Im not making any sense, Im sorry. I just need to get this off my chest and I have noone to talk to about this.
Hope its a good day.
Caring

Obviously the relationship wasn't making you happy or you wouldn't have considered ending it. Just try really hard to focus on the good things in your life and also remember what about the relationship was making you sad. Don't give in and call him.
I sometimes think I broke up with my xMM because I thought that he'd realize how important I was to him and decide to be with me. We'd stay apart for days or sometimes just hours and then we'd start it all up again. This push/pull went on for a year and did nothing but make our relationship worse. In the meantime both of us just got unhappier with the situation. Don't do that to yourself. Try really hard to let it go.
I'm sure you're strong enough to do this. Start making connections with friends and filling up your time with activity. One day you'll wake up and realize that you're going to be fine. Trust me...I didn't think I could do it but I did. It works.
Good luck!
I just hope this gets easier. Its hard to concentrate and work. But im trying...
thank you.
Caring
We've all been where you are. You're probably checking your e-mail and caller id every 30 seconds to see if he's made contact. It's hard...I know. It does get easier but it does take time...unfortunately. I always used to wish that feelings had an on/off switch.
And yes, your right. Im at work, and every time I get back to my desk I see my message light on and wonder.
Caring
Another list I made was a list of my qualities. My self-esteem suffered big time as a result of this affair and this list was hard to make. I asked a friend to give me some ideas. My therapist helped, too.
I have very little self esteem and that is something I desperately need to work on. maybe thats why I got into this situations in the first place.
Do you think ending it ever bothers them? Do they get upset?
Caring
The hardest part for me was trying to sift through all of the sweet things and the awful things that he'd said to me and deciding what was the "truth." I drove myself crazy with that for a while. Finally I decided that the truth was not in what he'd said but in his actions. He chose "his family" not me. That was the bottom line. That reality was a harsh thing to accept but it was the truth. Since then his wife has filed for divorce and he and I have started spending a little time together again. I have really hardened my heart toward him though. Part of it is because we had a horrible fight and I haven't forgiven some of the things he said, but I also am very aware that he would still be trying to work on his marriage if he wife hadn't forced the issue. Again, he did not choose to be with me.