please help im crazy
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please help im crazy
| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:10am |
Hello
In a million years I never thought I would have an affair. I know it is wrong. I feel guilty and still did it ! My husband is great. He does everything (cleaning, cooking). However, he never wants to do anything and thinks watching tv is spending time together. A man at work was hitting on me for months. At first I took it as a joke and then I gave in and agreed to go out with him. We got drunk and kissed. After that we have went out a few times and had sex only three times. We talked on the phone. The majority of the time he called me. I hardly called him. This was going on for about 1 month. We agreed to go away together in two months. Two days after we agreed to go away he stopped calling. I tried to call him twice and my calls were not returned. I have not heard from him in 4 days. I refuse to call him again. I know he got my calls. I know he is ok because he is at work. I have many questions I hope someone can answer. I can't talk to ANYONE about this. My friends and family would really hate me.
1. Why would I have any affair? No one would ever think I would including myself.
2. Why can't he return my calls? He does have opportunity at work. THere were no problems with us the last time we spoke.
3. Why am I so upset that I have not hears from OM? I knew for some reason someday he would just stop calling. In the beginning I was hoping he would stop because I knew I was unable to say no to him and I wanted it to end. He is lousy in bed. My husband is great but I still want to be with OM. Even though i know it is totally wrong. We both have two children and are married. I love my children so much and would never hurt them over this.
4. If I see him at work should I ignore him? I am not going to throw myself at him and I dont want him to think I am by asking him why didn't he call. I can't stay away from him at work. We sometimes have to work together.
5. Do you think this is the end? If he does call should I not talk to him? I dont know if I want it to end. Morally yes I do but I have fun with him.
In a million years I never thought I would have an affair. I know it is wrong. I feel guilty and still did it ! My husband is great. He does everything (cleaning, cooking). However, he never wants to do anything and thinks watching tv is spending time together. A man at work was hitting on me for months. At first I took it as a joke and then I gave in and agreed to go out with him. We got drunk and kissed. After that we have went out a few times and had sex only three times. We talked on the phone. The majority of the time he called me. I hardly called him. This was going on for about 1 month. We agreed to go away together in two months. Two days after we agreed to go away he stopped calling. I tried to call him twice and my calls were not returned. I have not heard from him in 4 days. I refuse to call him again. I know he got my calls. I know he is ok because he is at work. I have many questions I hope someone can answer. I can't talk to ANYONE about this. My friends and family would really hate me.
1. Why would I have any affair? No one would ever think I would including myself.
2. Why can't he return my calls? He does have opportunity at work. THere were no problems with us the last time we spoke.
3. Why am I so upset that I have not hears from OM? I knew for some reason someday he would just stop calling. In the beginning I was hoping he would stop because I knew I was unable to say no to him and I wanted it to end. He is lousy in bed. My husband is great but I still want to be with OM. Even though i know it is totally wrong. We both have two children and are married. I love my children so much and would never hurt them over this.
4. If I see him at work should I ignore him? I am not going to throw myself at him and I dont want him to think I am by asking him why didn't he call. I can't stay away from him at work. We sometimes have to work together.
5. Do you think this is the end? If he does call should I not talk to him? I dont know if I want it to end. Morally yes I do but I have fun with him.

Your situation sounds very familiar to me. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd have an affair, my husband is also great, and I will carry this guilt with me forever. However, I did fall in love with another man and we had a 5 year affair.
Your OM sounds like he has a serious case of cold feet. "Going away together" is a huge step, and perhaps he is feeling the weight of that, the guilt is hitting him, etc. I speak from experience. Two years ago I broke up with my OM in much the same way; we had a rendezvous planned, and because of my guilt I got cold feet and called it off at the last minute, and told him I wanted to end the affair. In hindsight I wish I had been strong enough to stick with it, but after a month or so of NC I broke down and we ended up back together again. Now two years later I am suffering the pain of the break-up tenfold, as the affair grew even more intense after that separation; I'm also carrying even more guilt from knowing that I continued this affair when I had the chance to stop it...
It is an addiction. It is hard to stop. But trust me, you will be happier in the end if you can get out now!!!!!
You need to take your questions to Individual counceling to help you really dig up the roots of your problems.
It would be a good idea to get into MC to because as much as you may love your H there are problems that need to be dealt with while you still have a Marriage to save, your husband most likely already knows something is wrong.
This FUN has a big price tag attached to it, hang out at boards that will help you to resist this addiction not encourage you to get deeper involved.
F