To send XMM BDay present or not?
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To send XMM BDay present or not?
| Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:22pm |
It's XMM's birthday later this week. Question: I bought him a book about meditative prayer (based on a retreat i went to recently with my church). When i told him about the retreat and the book he was very interested. I have purchased beautiful wrapping paper and ribbon; the book is lovely and meaninful. Should i sent this, or let it go?
I have also considered cutting him a CD of music i have been listening to. (Not any romantic music, mind you, but just some fun stuff i have discovered lately. I once gave his son a CD i burned for his birthday and my XMM tells me they all listen to it frequently in their car). If i were to do this, i would write a note that the CD would self destruct after 2 listens, so he wouldn't have to feel he had to hold on to it, and then potentially have to explain it's origins to his W!
I have often been told that if you have to seek so much advice on something--then maybe you shouldn't do it. I don't know. It's not a big deal, but something i have been wondering about.
Any thoughts?

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I'm always the anti-birthday voice here, aren't I? ;-)
Noticed your other post elsewere, seems you have bigger fish to fry.
F
My opinion... You chose the book because you thought he would get something out of it. I think it's ok to give it to him, but don't make it too *special*. Send it so it will be late, forget the fancy ribbon. After all, now he's just someone that you know, right?
I would also skip the music. If you're trying to break off the relationship, then maybe you shouldn't send something as personal as specially selected songs.
lily
i am often upset by both--sometimes i care about neither--often i don't know how to feel about any of it.
Clarice
XMM is just that, so do your best to get moving on in life before it passes you by.
With hubby, did his happen (if it did) because of how he was being treated during your A, if so it could be repairable with a lot of work and honesty.
I guess you could just Punt them both to the Curb and see who bounces back to you and you alone no wife or OW in there life.
F
I know I sound caustic but I've been there, I know. I was sending XOM little gifts for him and his children during the worst of times. I wasn't doing it to try and win him back or anything, but still..it prompted communication and when I saw that he was still being a schmuck it was very disappointing. But I'm not going to compare because everyone's situation is different.
Give him the book but don't make a big deal out of it. If you did'nt buy it already and tell him about it I would say not to give him the book at all.
Jazzdiva
You are right: how would i feel if i found out my H was sending his OW a book for her birthday. And you are right when you ask if XMM deserves my devotion after some of the mixed up and insensitive things he's said.
I think i wanted to send the present to get a reaction out of him. To show him i know him better than anyone else--but there is no point in this. And i know it.
Thanks.
Clarice
It wasn't until I decided that I wasn't going to divorce H and try and stick it out for as long as I could that I found some peace. I feel empowered because I know that I am staying and it is MY decision. I can decide to leave later on in life if I wish to do so. But to be in the limbo stage where you are now was total torture for me. And to have to end my A to boot, now that really sucked!
I really want you to get to a better place than you are now, and I truly believe that you will. I think you need some help though, and you shouldn't have to do this alone. You are dealing with SO much.
Jazzdiva
I am going through a lot and have been for about a year now. I agree, the flux stage is the worst. And that is kind of where i am STILL. Please know, i am doing better than i was: i've put on weight (after losing about 10 pounds) and sleep well every night. I am still smoking though. SIGH.
Thank you for thinking of me SCU. I just can't seem to get out of the muck until i make some decisions. Now that i fully realize my A is not going to reinvent itself, that is a positive first step.
Clarice
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