So confused
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So confused
| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 8:44am |
Hi,
I am so confused and would appreciate any insight. My MM and I have been together for two years. We have really gotten close in the last six months. Both from ending M. I am separated and he has the papers but not given them to W. He has had them for two months. He says she has emotional problems and they have a child and would like to do what is right for everyone. I have been asked to wait and trust. That was fine with me, until last week when he blurted out that they are going on a small vacation together with their son and some other friends. He has known about this since the beginning of February and did not tell me. They are leaving this weekend. I am so upset. I feel like he has been lying to me. He said that he did not mean to "not tell me" the time has not presented itself. He says that they are not going as a couple. They were asked to go from the friends and they wanted to do this for their child. I feel like I cannot compete with this. I told him last week that I needed to be first in his life or nothing at all and then he pulls this. Am I overreacting?
I am so confused and would appreciate any insight. My MM and I have been together for two years. We have really gotten close in the last six months. Both from ending M. I am separated and he has the papers but not given them to W. He has had them for two months. He says she has emotional problems and they have a child and would like to do what is right for everyone. I have been asked to wait and trust. That was fine with me, until last week when he blurted out that they are going on a small vacation together with their son and some other friends. He has known about this since the beginning of February and did not tell me. They are leaving this weekend. I am so upset. I feel like he has been lying to me. He said that he did not mean to "not tell me" the time has not presented itself. He says that they are not going as a couple. They were asked to go from the friends and they wanted to do this for their child. I feel like I cannot compete with this. I told him last week that I needed to be first in his life or nothing at all and then he pulls this. Am I overreacting?

Have you seen these papers with your own eyes??
Sounds like standard cheating MM B/S he's feeding you.
I agree with the other poster your not over reacting, cut him out of your life tell he can hand you a divorce decree, I bet you never see it sorry.
F
By definition, an affair is a "dishonest" relationship, but I always felt that xMM was completely honest with ME. This was like a slap in the face and really made me wonder what else he hadn't told me. I hated feeling like I would only get the complete story if I asked the right questions.
IMHO, your MM may be doing the same thing I was. He may not intend to hurt you or be dishonest, he just doesn't know which end is up right now. Big hugs to you! Maureen
I told my XMM, that I would not be in an A anymore. I told him.....when your D is final (nothing pending, on file at the courthouse), you have a job, AND!!! a place of your OWN, have SET visitation with your DD, and have some sort of daily routine, THEN AND ONLY THEN, give me a call. I told him I WILL NOT be a part of his lying and dishonesty any longer.
Well, he's call to say everything, but the above mentioned things. It's been hard, but I have not call or contacted him in anyway since March 13. I know in my heart that phone call will never come. He will never stand up and be a man, and take care of business, and end his marriage TOTALLY.
Anyway, NO COTACT!!!
Have you ever heard the song from the musical "Oklahoma" called All or Nothing? Perhaps you should download it because it is time for "all or nothing". The next time he calls, I think you need to tell him that until he has moved out of the marital home you would prefer it if he didnt call again.
This might sound like game playing but it does 3 things.
1. If you do this right (with firm but gentle consistant words) it gives you the power to know where things stand because it was YOUR decision. If he respects your decision and doesnt call, you will not sit around wondering why. Take this time to find new hobbies and interests. You will only add to the depth of your life.
2. There is nothing like a "break-up" to force someone to think about things. Up until now he has had no serious pressure to make a decision.
3. Because nothing happens overnight, if he us unable to make the (very difficult) decision to leave his wife and child, you will already be on the road to a life without him.
Your happiness is NOT contingent upon him. It is ALL about YOU. When you find happiness with yourself, good things will happen for you. If you have only been out of your marriage a short time I think you need a little "me" time.
Start writing in a journal. Dont read what you have written for a few weeks. It is the best (cheap) therapy around.
Here are the lyrics to the song I mentioned earlier:
With me it's all or nothin'.
Is it all or nothin' with you?
It can't be "in between"
It can't be "now and then"
No half and half romance will do!
I'm a one woman man, Home lovin' type,
All complete with slippers and pipe.
Take me like I am, or leave me be.
If you can't give me all, give me nothin'
and nothin's what you'll get from me!
Kind of silly, but I think it is appropriate to your situation.
Keep your head held high!
aquagirl
I am going to print the words to Oklahoma. you are right, they really hit home.
Hugs to you.