it's over

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
it's over
6
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:45am
I don't know what happened but it's over...for me anyway! The OM has been so back and forth lately, hurting my feelings over and over. He won't return my calls until he knows that I'm fed up with the way he's acting. The worst thing is that I let him borrow some things for his son to use skiing...things my son had out grown. I didn't think I would need them back, but my H told me to give them to my nephews. So I asked for him to return them, and we would get together....would have to ask again. All the while he's not answering my calls or texts and not returning them either. I told him that I needed them for a reason, he said he would get them back to me...then never got in touch with me after leaving a message for me to call him...

That was it...I don't know what happened but it clicked in my head how he obviously has no consideration for other people...I mean I know he loves/loved me at some level but that doesn't make it alright for him to treat me like s*** when he doesn't want to be around me.

Anyway, I called him and told him to keep the stuff...I don't want it or need it..that I don't know him anymore. He's changed since his wife left him (hangs out with 20 year olds, I think he's regressed.) I told him that I didn't like this person he's become! Then I hung up and have had no desire to call him! I know what I said made him mad and he hasn't made a move to contact me either. I hope it stays that way! I did sort of expect to get home last night and find those ski clothes on my front porch but they weren't there, I mean he was off yesterday. At least I know to never lend him anything again!!

So it's done! I'm not happy, not sad just resigned to the fact that I wasted a lot of time and energy on something that in the end doesn't matter.

Now I just have to hope that I have the strength to not answer the phone if he calls me. I don't want to accept his explanations and apology's anymore...I have found they have no substance to them....just like him. Funny thing is...I'm not even angry at him, just don't like him anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: wan2bfree
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:06pm
HI Wan

Just a thought, the opposite of Love is not hate it is indifference, sounds like you really are Free now, so what are you going to do to with it!

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: wan2bfree
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:22pm
Hi F!

Not quite sure yet! I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me! Finally can start to see that there are so many other things and people that deserve the attention I was giving OM...

Don't get me wrong....it's a small town and I'm bound to run into him quite often and part of me wants for him to see me and know that he's lost an important part of his life. However, that's not revenge talking just my self esteem looking for a boost that the A took away from it (make sense?)

I plan on enjoying my time with my family and friends without constantly checking my phone..that's a hard habit to break but I sure am looking forward to breaking it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
In reply to: wan2bfree
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:11pm
Take a minute right now to list everything that you don't like about OM. Then if you have a moment of weakness you can read the list and hopefully it'll help you remember how you're feeling now. Hopefully you won't go through a phase where you wonder if you are doing the right thing, but just in case the list might help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: wan2bfree
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:47pm
HI Wan

Yes it make sense affairs are self-esteem kills for women even if they seem to give a boost at first.

Make sure you invest some of that time in yourself to boost your ego in positive ways, develope a talent or skill that you value something like that may work.

lots of luck.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: wan2bfree
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:07pm
Thanks for all your ideas to keep my mind free. I think I will write down all the things I don't like about OM. Funny thing is that I always thought that I would like him as a person/friend. We always had so much fun together (before the XMA.) I don't think I even like who he is anymore!

I appreciate the support and good thoughts! I hope that I can do the same for all of you at some point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
In reply to: wan2bfree
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 2:39pm
In a similiar "strategy" I saved an email between me and my XMM. It was the result of a huge argument we had which finally ended the affair and includes several really cold, inconsiderate responses from him. I pull it up and reread it to remind myself of how much better off I am without him in my life - this keeps me from being even tempted to call.