tell me whatcha think.....
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tell me whatcha think.....
| Sat, 04-10-2004 - 11:29pm |
First of all, thanks so much for all of your posts. They are very helpful. I have been married for the last eight years and have been in an off and on affiar for six years with the same man. My husband is great, we get along well, he adores me, he is a good dad etc. I just can't seem to forget about OM. I think about him all the time. I don't get to see him much, but when I do it's very intense and sad when it's time to say good-bye. We are both getting sick of the situation though. Which is good for me, I really want it over one way or another. He wants to be together. I also want to be with him. However, the practical side of me knows that it isn't going to be that glamorus in the real world with kids involved. I don't want to hurt him. I know that I have held him back in his life and kept him from pursuing other things. Which is very selfish of me. He has kept me from being a good wife at the same time. I don't treat my husband like I should. I am just so ready for something to be done one way or the other. I find myself telling OM what he wants to hear. That is so bad....I know. I have talked to H recently about splitting. He doesn't seem to be willing to go that route. It's just really sad since kids are in the mix. My best bet is to put OM behind me. I just am having SUCH a hard time doing it. Any suggestions?

You may want to start by considering the basic info, such as the fact that the large majority of affair based relationships fail something like 95 percent fail in the first year that the people get together full time.
As the saying goes the best way to kill an affair is to live together 24/7, that is when you get to know the real person and not the one you have created in your mind.
If things are good with your husband your more likely to end up happier with him then OM, if you wreck you kids life for him there going to end up possably resenting him and you for a very long time to come.
If you need help ending consider IC to help you deal with the emotions, you will learn that there mostly not what you think they are.
GOOD LUCK
F
Jazzdiva
I agree with shescomeundone....I am very sure you've posted before AND you got some very straight-forward advice then as well as now. It simply isn't what you care to hear or follow. Perhaps this time you'll choose to listen to my advice. Perhaps not. It's your life...............I already lived 17 years of lies and am out on the other side. Now it's your turn:
GET OFF THE FENCE.
STOP THE SELFISHNESS.
You're hurting yourself, your husband, your OM and your children with your lack of willingness to step up to the plate and make a decision and FOLLOW THROUGH, either with H or with OM.
Ultimately you stand on the sidelines of a full life accepting snippets here and there when you have the ability to make a decision.
Make a choice.
Live through it.
Evaluate.
Change decision path based upon experience and evaluation.
Do it again.
And again.
And keep moving forward with both eyes open, above board, setting an example for your children and everyone else around you of what a person with integrity lives a life.
Yes, you CAN do it.
Get moving.
IC = Individual Counceling.
He will not end it way would he, that may happen if he meets someone else but he may still want to keep you for a side dish so to speak.
Baby steps is how most of us started changing things so thats ok, start takeing them today.
You will have setbacks don't give up.
Church can realy help some people.
good luck
Free