Happy days ahead

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Happy days ahead
7
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 7:20pm
I must say that I have been doing better with NC than I thought. (I don't or didn't want to doubt myself that I couldn't handle it, cause at times one gets weak) but I'm coming right along. He has not tried to contact me and I thank him for that. I am enjoying my life again, spring being in the air helps too! I don't have the feelings of anxiety and guilt any more cause the sneaking around and lying has stopped. I'm not gonna say that my heart doesn't still hurt, cause at times it does. But in time that will fade away, I'm sure. I hope he is content with his life in his world, being where he "needs" to be with the people that are important to him, (his friends,buddies, etc) cause I know it sure wasn't me, that was important. I always told him I wanted him to be happy. Not sure if he is, but I'm getting there!!!

I believe that one day he will try and be a part of my life again. Can't let that happen tho, I like being happy and back to my ol' self again.

So here I go, getting ready to start another week. I really like my job, so I look forward to going to work. Already making plans for the week with my friends for evenings out, I've got a hair and nail appointment, and I'm planning my menus for the evenings that my husband and son and I will all be home at the same time to sit at the dinner table together and eat.

Everyone have a good week and think of your good days ahead. :)

TCOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 8:25pm
Hey

You sound great keep up the good work and hang on to your life it sounds like you like it.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 2:01am
you are taking care of yourself! good for you. time is your friend. keep up the good work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 8:47am
You sound so together!

I am married for over 10 years, recently having an affair with an unmarried (but in a committed, live-in situation) man who I met through work. We were together for nearly 6 months and each time we met it became more and more intense. Last week, with no warning, he told me that he wanted to walk away -- not because he doesn't love me, but because it is "the right thing to do". He told me that he is conflicted -- wanting to see me but unable to deal with the guilt and the fear of what might be.

He knows that I am going to begin therapy this week and he said he plans to call me to see if I've received any enlightening advice. I'd like to call him today and tell him not to bother.

He has admitted to not loving his current partner and to being unhappy for the last few years, but scared of being along. Hence, he is not willing to make any changes in his life right now. Prior to this affair, I thought I was happy (apparently something was missing).

I am heartbroken and unbelievably sad with little interest in anything right now. I am struggling through each very long day. We have only been out of contact for three days, but I want to call and have trouble keeping my fingers off the phone.

Intellectually, I know this is the right thing, but emotionally, I am distraught and without direction. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 9:37am
What a great, uplifting message to read first thing on Monday morning!!!!! You go, girl! It sounds like its all falling into place for you, and you're seeing the evidence that you made a good decision. I'm sure you'll have some down moments as well, but great stuff like this will keep you moving ahead despite them. You're an inspiration!!!!!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:34pm
tgirl807, we have all been where you are now. It is hard, no question. The best thing you can do right now is read lots of old messages on this board, you'll hear lots of people going through the same sorts of things. One thing I've learned here is that you must make the decision to find your happiness honestly. You know that it is not fair to your husband unless you either commit to working on being happy within your marriage or decide to end the marriage. That is not a judgemental statement, a lot of us have been in your shoes. I was for 5 years!

With your OM, No Contact is the only way to go. You will have an impossibly hard time getting over him if you are still talking to him about therapy, etc.


Edited 4/12/2004 1:53 pm ET ET by maybekatie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:03pm

Sounds like you have a good plan!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 8:54pm
HI Tgirl

Welcome.

Don't jump to conclusions about your marriage or your feelings for XMM, when your in the middle of a affair your feelings can't always be trusted, and affairs start for many reasons some that have nothing to do with your marriage, such as sex abuse as a child, there is proven cause end effect in some cases.

I would suggest that you start a fresh thread or people are going to miss you and not be able to give you the suport you need.

F