What excuse do you tell the family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
What excuse do you tell the family?
2
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 8:43pm
I'm a divorced mother of three, two teenage daughters and a pre-teen son, over the past two years I've managed to keep the fact that my MM was married from my kids and family. Everyone thinks that he is great and has really grown to love him. Always believing that you don't do unto others as you wouldn't want to have done to you, I've always taught my kids with these morals. How I found myself in an affair I still cannot answer, but nevertheless, this is very much out of character for me. Here is my concern, whether or not we end up together or I feel that I must end it because he can not make up his mind how and or what do I tell my family? If we end up together obviously his and my kids will eventually talk, that I'm nit as concerned with as what do I tell everyone if a split is necessary?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 9:02pm

Having lived through your situation, my suggestion is at present time you say nothing about his marital status.


As you end your affair, your boyfriend and you have parted ways. No need to elaborate. Your condition of a continued relationship with MM is that he be single before continuing the relationship with you.


When he's single and available 24/7 explanations aren't needed. Nor are there any more lies. The past becomes the past and you live going forward.


In the meantime, you are without MM as your companion because lying doesn't become you anymore. And that really is your bottom line, isn't it? Being true to who you really perceive yourself and life path?


I thought so....................


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 12:52am
what a tangled web we weave, eh? I was where you were, though my children knew my MM BEFORE our A & not during. I kept him away from my "real" life -- friends, work, family during the A. So, when I ended it -- over a YEAR ago!! yay!, I didn't have to do any explaining.

Since your kids are teens and may actually find out, since they have spent time with him and might even run into him somewhere with his family, you should consider speaking with a family counselor or pastor about whether and how to tell them the basics. It might save a lot of hurt down the line. It will hurt & disappoint them in you and him, who they've grown to love (and may now focus all their anger on), but consult with a professional on this one. It's a toughie.