What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What should I do?
5
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 12:30pm
This past week has been very difficult for me. XMM keeps calling and leaving me voice messages. His last message said, he just wanted to know how I was doing, and that he had been thinking about me. He asked me to call him. So, far I haven't call.

I want to, but I'm scared to. I'm afraid the EMA will start up agin. I don't want that. For some reason I still care what he thinks about me. I don't want him to think I'm being rude.

I wish he would just not call me. I keep ignoring him, but it's not doing any good, and right now I'm weak.

Should I call or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:13pm
Don't make that call, honey (of course, you KNEW I was going to say that!) I think you began NC at about the same time I did (about 7 weeks ago?). It shows some disrepect and manipulation that he's continuing to contact you after you broke up with him, and I do definitely think that contact with him will result in letting your guard down and maybe even starting the A again. After all the work you've done to maintain NC, wouldn't you hate to let it go???? Remember the reasons you're here in the first place.

As I recall from some of your past posts, you were wanting to do some work on YOURSELF, right? Stay with that. I know it's hard.

I've finally gotten to a point where I'm not even thinking about my OMM anymore. I'm moving on with life and feeling great about it, so I'm sending you some strong NC vibes. Your mantra for today: Don't call.

Best of luck, honey!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:15pm
Hmm, does he know you decided to try NC? Can you email him, instead of calling him? If so, I would. I would just write and politely tell him that you are emotionally not ready to talk to him, and ask him nicely to respect that. It sounds like you would have a hard time sticking to it if you tried to tell him so over the phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 8:12pm
Hey Secret

Your not being rude he is and he is also being both disreapectful and manipulative with his calls.

Keep ignoring his calls, he is ownly interested in drawing you back into his web of lies and secrets.

You deserve a real life not to be used by anyone, be strong your better then him.


YOU ARE STRONG, STRONGER THEN XMM, also better looking, smarter and funnier, so way waste your time with that loser right.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:57pm
no no no is my first reply (and 2d through 3d obviously). The affair will start again. you know it will. I went through this rollercoaster for 2 years of starting & stopping. It wasn't until I went NC & stuck with it that I got free. Even sticking with it religiously and completely rejecting every single attempt my MM made, it still took 6 mos. for me to stop thinking & wishing I could talk with him, even though I KNEW I wanted it over & was involved with a great single guy. A few more months before those feelings were absolutely and completely gone.

I was always glad I ended it but those little strings remained for many months. I am SO happy now, one year free of the A that I stuck with it. My life is 1,000 percent better now. I'm still with my single boyfriend & very happy.

YES, sometimes I miss the passion and intensity of the A - but not enough to go back to that prison! I don't miss the phoniness & the lies and the guilt. I don't miss feeling like back-alley Sally. I don't miss being alone on holidays. I don't miss feeling SO bad about myself. And the sex is still great even when it's not illicit!!

Stick with your resolve. Life on the other side is FANTASTIC!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:58pm
email is just the gateway to phone calls to lunches to the affair. just my opinion, based on a few years' experience.