In need of some hugs . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In need of some hugs . . .
7
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:38pm
Right out of the blue, it hit me. PMS. The fact that I pillaged my kids' Easter baskets yesterday should have tipped me off it was coming. I was feeling on top of the world all day. Somewhere shortly after I put my kids in bed, I sat down and just started to cry. I didn't even have a particular reason. Don't you hate that??? And of course, stupid OMM picked today of all days to send me a stupid text message along the lines of the 2 years we spent together was like a wonderful dream come true. I have absolutely no doubt that missing him and feeling guilty about hurting him is factored into this crying binge I'm on. I didn't respond to his text but WHY when I'm feeling so awesome and so over this A does he have to throw me off course? Does he have a radar? How did he know that in my hormonal state I so didn't need to hear from him? And just a few short hours ago I was thinking I dreamed the whole A! Bah! You were so right, Crystal, I do need to really keep my guard up.

I feel like a fat, pathetic, ugly slob sitting here in sweat pants with a crumpled up ratty tissue up my sleeve, its a miserable, rainy night, and I have an incredible desire to eat malted chocolate eggs and search for sad song lyrics on the net until the wee hours. Somebody stop me - I have a 9:00 a.m. meeting and I dont want to show up late with swollen eyes and an outbreak of chocolate-induced acne. Thanks all!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:50pm
I think that was a terrible thing for him to do to you. It's like pulling those strings to make sure you're still there. Doesn't change a thing -- you're still where you are & he's still where he is, but hey, just wanted to make sure I still have my hooks in you. I just hate that.

When I finally started to see through the manipulation of that, it stopped working. Focus on that. You are strong and beautiful and loving. You're a mom and a loving woman. You deserve better than someone pulling your strings like that! So you had a little chocolate. sometimes that's just the ticket. Dry those tears and lift your chin and be proud of yourself!!

You stay on the good track and don't let him knock you off. He doesn't deserve you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 8:15am
I am sorry you are feeling so down. I wanted to respond yesterday to the "feels like a dream" post but just didn't get to it. I'm on the tail end of a 5 month affair and I'm the married one. The OM is a great guy and for a while I could envision myself spending a lifetime with him. Now I have grown tired of it all and don't find myself "wanting" for him so much anymore. He has a girl interested in him but he tries not to speak about her in front of me because he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable. The last time I was at his house was Friday afternoon during lunch. Every time I have gone there in the past month she has called. Persistent little minx I always say to him. He got up from his seat and walked into the kitchen, I heard a slight noise and then he returned. A few moments later I asked "did you turn your phone off?" LOL Man!! I can't get anything past you. Ugh. All this cloak and dagger stuff makes me weary. So I knew as of last week that it was growing way old. On Saturday he had hoped to see me. I gave him a courtesy call to say I wouldn't be able to swing by. He said "Not even for an hour?" Good grief! No not even for an hour. If this was his idea of a "booty call" I was not falling for it.

Anyway what I'm getting at is he has intentions of asking me to meet him for lunch today and I have absolutely no desire to do so. I really need to run home and let my dogs out anyways yet.... and there is a yet.... a sick twisted part of me feels like "Hehehe oh my goodness if I don't meet him today I will surely lose him." I really do want to lose him so why do we even toy with the concept.

And BTW your post was very entertaining to read, ratty tissue and all. I hope you are feeling better this morning. Do not let him get the best of you and let your guard down.

elf.

Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:00am
Oh dear - I'm sorry you had such a bad day. The important thing to remember is that you now also have good days and another one will be coming soon. Remember at the beginning it hurt all the time and every day felt sad? Well those days are gone. You are on to good days with just the odd bad one mixed in for colour. You will get through this. You will rise above - as long as you maintain NC. If you contact him - even to say "Don't IM me anymore - I don't want to hear from you", it could start the whole thing over again. You must just put your chin up and walk away - accept things and move on. Getting over him will take taim, NC and the decision that its over. You have the ingredients - now you just need to keep baking!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:06am
Oh, Momesq~

I hope you are feeling better today....and you are at your 9 am meeting WITHOUT the acne. Hey, most of us here, I'm sure have btdt--with the hormonal surges, purging of chocolate in the house (including that belongs to our children), etc. No matter how strong you feel....your guard must always be up, because you are so susceptible at weak moments such as this. And, if you should falter during these times....it only helps us to grow stronger later on (trust me....). At some point we are able to work ourselves out of this...but it takes time. We invested so much time into these fantasy relationships and developing the "illusion" that they were meaningful and fulfilling...but in reality, we were using others to attempt to stop our pain, instead of creating our own happiness.

Many people do this, we are not unique....we just made the mistake of believing that someone else could create our happiness for us. As soon as we lift that illusion and begin to deal more with reality, the better grip you get. However, sometimes dealing with reality is....hard and depressing. All the baggage you DON'T want to deal with is STILL there--in fact, it never went away, but the affair just covered it up and made it palatable. I think many people choose to live an illusionary life....whether they hide through mind altering substances, affairs, or other ineffective coping mechanisms. Some people spend their ENTIRE life like that...and always end up wondering why they are so unhappy.

Then there are those who decide NOT to live in that state and deal with their stuff--and eventually, they experience true happiness. But it takes some time to get there. Give yourself some time....you've got a LOT of stuff going on and a lot of grief in your life--and a lot of stuff the affair covered up. It will take time...but you know that your OM cannot give to you what you don't have, or what you may already have!!!

Big hugs

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:39am
I am so sorry you are down and out. I just want you to know that you have helped me sooo much with your replies to my posts!!!! I think our situations are a little bit similar..however you are about 10 paces ahead of me. I am getting there though. Just remember...he is an average guy with an average job and little future.....right???? That's what you told me. Also, you can't see yourself with him for your entire life....remember????? You were just having a down moment for sure. You will come out of it! I am going to give you back some of your advice...he is an escape for you...it's like going to Disney you have to come back to work eventually. Get back to work..put that "has no future man" behind you and look away. I hope you have a great day!!! You are such a big help on here to me...I can't even tell you. I hope I helped you a little and brought you back to the real world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:31am
Thank you all so much for responding! Yes, I feel tremendously better today. I made it to my 9:00 a.m. meeting on time, no tummy ache from too much chocolate. Confusion, you're so right! I've got to remember he's a good looking guy with a mediocre job and no future.

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that after I posted last night, I went outside, smoked a cigarette, drank a cup of tea (my cure-all for whatever ails me!) and went to bed. It just felt good to get it out there. And even though its raining here AGAIN today, I woke up feeling back to normal.

I didn't respond to his text message, don't plan to. Thanks you all SO MUCH for the support! Love and hugs back at ya! Maureen

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:40am
Momesq, so glad you got through the bad day! Hope today is better! It is hard enough to deal with pms, a rainy day, and an inexplicable feeling of sadness; top that off with a note like you got from the X and, well, no wonder you were feeling so down. I've got the rainy day pms blues myself today. Your strength is inspiring to me!!

Oh, and dharmagurl, you rule. :) There are so many pearls of wisdom in your post, things I really needed to be reminded of. Thanks!