ok...i screwed up! i emailed him....
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| Wed, 04-14-2004 - 3:17pm |
My email to him:
Hi,
Not too sure what to write.....I have been doing a lot of thinking....you too? Tell me what your thinking. So I know why I havent contacted you, why havent you contacted me?
His email to me:
Hi-
I havent contacted you because I feel you were a little upset the other day and needed time to sort through everthing. I figured when the time was right you would contact me. I didnt want to push
My response:
I am upset. I am sad. I do miss you. My heart hurts. but....I need to walk away from you. I thought by you not contacting me you were thinking the same. Then I started thinking that maybe you were upset with me....and that really bothered me. Thought I did something to upset you. Then I thought you were disappointed by our meeting. Of course you know me, lots of things were going through my head.
So I have decided to walk away from us. Best for both. Not easy. No good way to do it. Wrote you a letter a few times...then deleted it. Figured no good would come out of rehashing any of this. It will never make sense. I am awful at "goodbye's".....they are so final and harsh.....and I know I have to.
His response:
I understand. The situation is tough to handle for both of us. Lets just say, "See you around"!
I am supposed to call __ back regarding drinks and I would like to meet up with him. I need to know if he knows that we were talking on a regular basis or does he think we spoke now and again. I dont want to refer to things if he is unaware that we speak. At the same time I dont want to pretend that I havent talked to you if he knows that we speak.
...........
Ok....yes a part I didnt mention...that my husband and him are kinda friends. I was friends with him first. Then we all started hanging out. My husband and I and his wife and I. Then we all stopped hanging out because his wife didnt feel comfortable with our friendship. My husband thought she was being silly. He knows we are still friends but his wife doesnt know.
I know, I know, I know...NO CONTACT! I messed up. I just needed to feel like we both knew it was ending. Right? Closure right? Ok, now what do I do?? Boy I am in some serious trouble. This really isnt easy. I dont know if I am strong enough. Its amazing isnt it we have such strength as women for most things but when it comes to the heart we are a mess!

I hope you can find the strength to maintain NC now that you've told him goodbye. You're in a situation with your H and his W that has the potential to really get ugly if you keep the A going!
ps - i know i seem like a looney but i really am pretty normal. :)
I tried ending the affair several times; we tried being purely "platonic" too. It never worked. I knew in my head that what we were doing was so wrong, and I hated the guilt that went with it. I hated knowing that I was jeopardizing everything that meant the world to me because I couldn't let go of this man. But I kept getting sucked back in, I don't know how. How it finally ended was, he found out his wife was having another affair. He was at a point where he had to decide once and for all whether to get a divorce or commit to working on his marriage (which is what he decided to do, and which I think was a bad decision, but hey, what can you do).... Ultimately, there was no way we could continue what we were doing if he was to get on with his life either way.
So that was at the very beginning of December. It has gotten better. I found this board after I emailed him in a moment of weakness a month ago. It has helped me SO MUCH. Just to have someone to talk to about it. To help give advice to other people has helped me to really think about my own situation.
I really AM so much happier now, even though I still miss him and the way the A made me feel a lot. But -- to be free of the guilt and the fear of being caught and the idea of being a horrible person -- it is such a good feeling.
Anyway, to give you the latest update....we emailed a bit more. I actually said "Goodbye" in my email. You dont know me but that is BIG FOR ME!! I hate goodbye's, in fact I even hate writing it. But then he pissed me off cuz' he said "Goodbye!" with an exclamation mark. He knows I hate him to be mad at me. Again, there is no perfect way. I cant make myself sick about how he ended it w/ an exclamation mark.
I am glad you are much happier now and feeling better about yourself. I cant wait to get there too!!! :) Thanks Maybekatie!!!
My A has been on and off for 6 years! I have been married for 8 years. What a mess. I just sent my good-bye e-mail last night. I am feeling pretty good about it. One bonus I have is that he lives several states away. I know it must be hard when you can find the OM everyday! Hang in there though! You can do it!