NC- what does it really mean ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
NC- what does it really mean ?
2
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:02pm
what does it mean to you ? Does it mean it's really over no matter what ?

sad & Lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:02pm
For me, no contact saved me from the affair. it lasted 3 years. maybe I needed it the first year (2d year out of a BAD marriage) but the second and third increasingly became a prison for me. I felt trapped and was hiding out from real life. I didn't want it anymore but didn't know how to end it for some reason.

I tried to end it for 6 mos. and finally I did it. It helped that I had met a really neat single guy that I felt some connection with. I wish I had been strong enough to do it completely on my own, but once I realized it was even possible to be attracted & interested in someone AVAILABLE -- I knew I wanted to be free.

I ended it over a year ago & never looked back. He tried and tried to reestablish contact "just be friends" or "we'll be together some day" but I just rejected all of his attempts. It took about 6 mos. for him to stop trying and maybe even another 2 mos. for me to feel completely & totally free of "it" and the guilt and the addiction. But I am and I am SO grateful.

My life, from day 1 of NC was better. It was NOT easy because you're so addicted to the relationship. or I was anyway. but i knew it was my only chance to change my life and make it better. Every day I stayed away from him was better than the one before. My life is now about a million times better.

I'm growing and developing as a person. My life is richer, more honest and more fun and more interesting. That single guy I met -- the first one is still my boyfriend. And sometimes we struggle but it's so so so much better than the affair.

Do it girl, stick with it -- your life will be better. It just takes time and staying VERY busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 9:07pm
NC for me was an ultimatum for XMM to "piss or get off the pot" so to speak. Either he wanted me above board and would do what it takes to make a real relationship happen between us, or it's over. I believe if I had stayed involved with him he would just have sat on the fence waiting till his W left him. That was a few years ago and last year I went ahead and contacted him out of curiosity, and sure enough he is still "waiting". It has not been easy for me being without him because I do still care very deeply for him (we had been involved for over a few years) and sometimes I wonder if maybe I should just wait his situation out with him--but I can't. I can't settle for his crumbs of attention. If he wants to stay home with his W "for the sake of the kids", well let him deal with it in his own way. I'm not going to be his band aid or escape hatch. Last year we talked a lot, I got a lot of questions answered and I explained myself to him as well. It was nice and that has probably given me the most closure. But in a way I'm still healing from the pain of it. The last I contacted him was right before some holiday, just to say hope all was well and that he have a good long weekend. He was very distant and not too responsive, so since then I haven't looked back. Well I did write a letter, but even that was over a month ago. It was sort of a closure letter, so I wasn't really expecting him to respond, I mean how would you respond to someone who's telling you how much they've moved on, and I apologized for some stuff that went down between us, etc. But in a way I was hurt by his silence. Sometimes I really can't figure myself out! All is all right with me now though. I still think of him a lot and miss him. But it's over. I can't be his mistress and that's what he wants of me. It's better for me to just keep moving on.