OH MY GOD he emailed me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
OH MY GOD he emailed me
12
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 8:51am
Damn him. Just a stupid little forwarded joke. Not even particularly funny. It just came in my in-box, and I am shaking like a leaf. I was doing so well. Why is he doing this to me?????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 9:12am
Don't respond!!! It would be my guess that he did it to see if you would have any kind of response. Look how long you have gone with NC - don't let a email on his behalf break it now!

You have the upper hand right now - he sent it to YOU! Show him that you are strong by not responding. You are so done with him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 9:12am
katie~

Sounds like he is testing the waters....seeing if you will respond to a non-descript email. Most likely, he is reminenscing, feeling nostalgic, or just plain misses you. Maybe he is conflicted. Whatever the circumstances.....if you respond, what will be the outcome? Think it ALL the way through to the end....not just with the response to an email; I mean, if you email him back, and then the emails start up again....slowly, then, then, then. Trust me...I've been around that circle a 1000 times. I would be the one to start it up again. Send a "teaser" email...sometimes multiple and continual. Eventually exMM would respond.

If you really want it done with, do not respond. At all. In fact, place his email addy on a delete list, if you can. If not, and he continues to send you stuff---just send a simple email that says "do not send me anything in the future" (not nasty or mean, just to the point. If you work together, which I can't remember if you do, just make it work related emails only!)

good luck...its tough. big hugs

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 9:29am
Thank you so much. I have absolutely no intention of responding to this email. I just have a feeling this will not be the last one. I feel bad because I broke the NC a month ago, so who am I to be mad at him for doing the same to me? But I am. I have worked so freaking hard to let go. I have to keep reminding myself of that. (Thankfully, no, we don't work together, and he lives 100 miles away.)

Can't believe I am *crying*, that this stupid joke email has stirred up so many emotions. I'm glad you all are there to vent to! (haha, see dipss, I'm not so strong! ;))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 9:36am
Don't make me "whomp" you on the head. Ya know I owe you one. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 9:40am
katie: this has happened to me too. After my A ended last july, i went 3 weeks without hearing from MM . Suddenly, i was dealing with his W all the time. How strange is that.

Anyway, after 3 weeks, he read about something i had done and he emailed me, ending his note with "love, . I shook like a leaf too and chose not to respond to it for a day or two. Then i did, just a carefree response; nothing more. But i have to say, my response opened the door to the contact that we still have today

You have to chose what to do. If you really, really want NC, then you shouldn't respond. If you want to be friends, then go ahead--but know that responding resets the clock for you--as it did for me. Had i not responded to his email last August, i probably would be at 9 months NC now and would probably be in a better place. Our A never restarted after we broke NC--but having him call me, email me, etc. did make me, time and time again, want to restart the A.

It's in your court. My gut tells me, that if you don't know what to do, you shouldn't do anything at all. Sit with it a bit, think about it and then decide. He doesn't know you are on your computer. Maybe you are gone for the day. These things don't require immediate action.

Good luck.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:06am
Ok. I have to say one thing here. I have been on this post for a few days and I am already getting emotionally attached to some of you. I feel your pain. Its the weirdest thing. I saw your post and I was like "what"?? I got so concerned when I saw your name and the subject. I thought to myself, Maybekatie is the one always giving advice and helping everyone out. You are always so amazing with your advice and when I saw that you were now feeling sad, I felt really sad for you.

Let me begin with YOU ARE STRONG! and I am glad to see that you are also human. I would read all your responses and think somehow you were too strong. So be proud of how far you have come. You are amazing!!! The way you help everyone with such sweet and encouraging advice. So you had a temporary little melt down. So what?! You are entitled. We all are. Put your head down and keep going (advice a good friend told me a while back).

He emailed you cuz' he is testing the waters. Wants to see if you will respond. He is hoping you will. You know that you can. You know that you are dying too. BUT you also know you will feel like crap afterwards. You will feel more miserable if you respond. Cuz' now you are starting all over again. Starting the healing process all over again. I know its not easy. And again I feel uncomfortable giving some of you advice since I am a complete mess....but how could I not respond to my little support hero???

Whatever you decide to do, know that we are here for you!

Extra hugs for you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:39am
thinkingtomuch, you cracked me up! I don't want a whomp on the head. Thank you! :) I am *so* not going to respond to his email. But that's easy, this is just a dumb joke, doesn't require a response... I just have a feeling more is coming. I have to prepare myself emotionally for that. I do not want to take a giant step backwards, having come this far.

dipss, you are so sweet. I really have to thank god for this board! I would be so lost if I didn't have someone to talk to about this, and people like thinkingtomuch to keep me honest! ;)

By the way, any of you toying with the idea of just checking in on your XMM like this, with a little joke or an innocuous phone call -- if you still care about them, *don't do it!* Look how much this has messed me up! I have to believe that if he knew this would shake me up so, he wouldn't have done it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 12:47pm
Glad I made you laugh. I just couldn't resist. lol

I keep toying with the idea of checking in and it is tough not to. I was laying in bed thinking last night if he would just send me one email so I could respond and say something like: "you could make this alot easier on me if you would say, I understand, you are right, I had fun too, no regrets!" I think that would make me feel so much better and it would even put the situation back in perspective. Since we never crossed the line to physical, I really believe it would give me the closure I need if I could hear those words from him. Does this make sense??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 2:17pm
katie..just sitting here thinking... my my how I would like to start a post with the same subject you have in this one? How sick is that??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 3:02pm
Oh, dear...this one dredged up the memory of my email distress...after a few weeks of NC, my guy sent me a forwarded "survey" of 25 things about yourself, etc. Under the question, have you ever been in love, his answer was yes, daily (with his wife!) I nearly puked...and it was sooo hurtful...if he was aiming an arrow, he hit the target dead on!

I didn't respond...and it's been nearly 7 months of NC...I've received 3 or 4 forwarded emails during that time...I responded to one...and it was completely superficial...I heard back from him but his was also superficial...and that's about as empty as it gets...

Good luck to you! Don't respond is my advice...

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