ok...i need a "drink".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
ok...i need a "drink".
7
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 12:11pm
I CAN'T DO IT! I swear I am not strong enough. Thinking I shouldnt be on this board with all of you. You are all so much more ahead of me. You are all at the point I think where you are much stronger than me. I am sitting at my desk and I cant stop crying. I feel sick. I need that drink. I want the drug. I hate feeling this way. Sorry all. Dont know if I will be able to get through it. Just being honest. The worst part is ending something you truly do love. Yup. I suck! Why is this so hard. Damn it! I feel like I just need to run away for a bit...get away from it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 12:56pm
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO TALK TO HIM,SEE HIM ,TOUCH HIM. I CRY ALL THE TIME AND TRY THAT NO ONE TO SEE ME EITHER.IN ONE PART I HATE THE FACT THAT HE WONT ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS OR TEXT WHICH I ONLY DID ONE TODAY. IM TRYING HARD BUT IT HURTS AND I FEEL WEEK.I NEED ADRINK OR MEDICATION TO.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 4:55pm
I think we all completely understand that feeling. The only comfort I can say is that it'll get easier...some days are just worse than others. I have spent a lot of time the last six months trying to either drug or drink myself into a deep enough sleep so the affair didn't hurt as badly as it did. I've neglected my daughter because I've been so wrapped up in my pain. I also lost my job last Halloween and am just now getting the energy to really go job hunting. And my weight is like a yo-yo because I either don't feel like eating or eat too much.

Man, this all sounds so depressing, but I guess I just wanted to say that you're not alone. Some days I still struggle, but I promise it does get easier.

I keep wondering why I did this to myself. I'm sure that my friends and family who have no idea why I've been so sad wonder what's going on, too.

If it helps, I've just finished some really good books...The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown and Ice Hunt by James Rollin. I couldn't put either of them down. Also, try "Don't Call That Man." I don't remember who wrote it, but it has some pretty good writing exercises that have helped me focus on something other than wanting to pick up the phone. If you need a dose of attitude, try "Kiss My Tiara" and "Why Men Love Bitches." Sorry I can't remember who write those either, but I got them all on Amazon.com. Also listening to Alanis Morrisette's Jagged Little Pill and Nickelback's Silver Side Up help me too...just angry enough to give me attitude, if that makes sense.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 5:16pm
dipss, we have all been where you are at some point. Don't feel bad, and definitely don't apologize to US! This is a decision you have to make for yourself, and an internal fight you have to fight pretty much on your own, too, although you have people here who will support you. ((Hugs.))

P.S. "Girlfriend's Guide to Getting Your Groove Back" was a fun book to read. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 5:44pm
So mad at myself!!!!! Why the hell I making this such a big deal. Why do I have to be obesessive about this? Damn it! Damn it!!!!! You guys are so great! I appreciate your support.

Confession time: I emailed him again. I am like a fatal attraction chick! Ironic, I tell him we have to end it and he respects it and then I bother him. Whats up w/ that?? So now HE is telling ME to stay strong and we will be fine. When I asked him how he felt he says "I am feeling fine. Keeping busy so I am not really thinking about it all that much. When I stop to think about it I will certainly be sad considering I am losing my friend. Unfotunately, or fortunately we knew the consequences."....OK SO I AM OBESESSING AND HE IS NOT THINKING ABOUT IT ALL THAT MUCH??? I want him to say he is miserable w/o me. That he cant stop thinking about us. Thats what I really want to hear. That he loves me and although we cant be together he is struggling with it. Like I am. Strugling. I wish I was a man sometimes, they are so much more matter of fact about things.

You know I read all your advice and read what everyone is going through and I know you are all right. That is the scary part. So much great advice. Advice I would give to a friend that was going through this. It's just so much harder to take that advice and apply it.

Thanks for the book suggestions. I will check them out. Reading is good for me. I can escape for a bit.

Ok, tomorrow is another day. OK Momesq, think more good vibes for me "Just for today, I'm not going to call or email him"

Thanks Katie...I always love your advice.

STAY STRONG! I KNOW! I KNOW!

I swear you guys are the BEST!!

love, hugs and kisses...








iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 6:08pm


DIP YOU CAN DO IT, everyone here started were your at, everyone hurt and still do at times, don't quit, this will get better, your fighting a unhealthy addiction that will destroy your life and the life that your children believe is real, be strong for them they need you to do the right thing TODAY.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 6:24pm
THANKS F.

I thought you would be the one who would yell at me for my weak outburst. It truly is an unhealthy addiction.

So I am just curious, since you also seem like the pilar of strength on these posts. (i have seen katie have her little melt down...but not you)...do you still feel sad? are you over it? and if so how long has it been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 11:40am
I know exactly what you mean about wanting him to miss you and think about you as much as you think about him. For me, hearing xMM tell me he was fine while I was still hurting so much was one of the things that finally helped me begin to heal. It made my pride kick in and there was no way I was going to call him and let him know how pathetic I was feeling.

Trying to end my affair was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. I kept thinking, "I thought I was a stronger person than this." I don't want to pretend I'm out of the woods yet, but things are better and you'll get there, too. It just takes time.