so confused part 2
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so confused part 2
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 8:45am |
Ok, I am new and I posted wrong so I am writing this again. Thanks to everyone that has supported me and written your opinions. I appreciate it so much. Today is very hard. MM comes home from "vacation for the son"(W went too) and expects me to fall all over him. I was so hurt that he "avoided" telling me (for three months) about the trip and it really bugs me. He has called every day and texted three or four times a day. The usual MM stuff, but it makes me really upset. He is talking about a trip that we should go on to Barbados, that will never happen(we are never seen together)and it seems cruel. To top it off, the day he left he recommended me for a position that I really want. I told him before he left that it is me or her. Bottom line. He is not in love with her and he wants out. She told him that she did not care what he did, she was not leaving and keeping his house. They live "business" lives together, as he puts it. They do not share a bedroom. He told me that he wants to live his life with me. He went to the lawyer and got the papers for separation and never gave them to her. That was the time he agreed to go on this trip. He claims, originally, he said no and tried to have her brother go and he backed out. So, the child got upset and he then agreed to go. Right at the same time as the papers. I don't know what the right thing to do is. He has asked me to give him some time and he will make me happy. Do I give him the time? How long? Do I NC? I told him that I thought NC would be the right thing to do and then the job thing hit me. HELP!!!!!
I really love him and do not want a secret life anymore. I went to my H and S and told him I needed to move on. I think fear is his real enemy.
I really love him and do not want a secret life anymore. I went to my H and S and told him I needed to move on. I think fear is his real enemy.

If you want to have a life with this man - you need to give him time and have no contact with him during that time. It will drive him crazy and will let him know you are serious about not wanting to run around in secret any more. And hopefully it will lead him to moving forward with the separation.
But in the meantime - you have to be good to yourself. Think about how sad you are all the time when you know he is with his W. The sadness you will feel by ending the affair will eventually pass - but the sadness you feel every day now will only endure - as long as you let it. If his marriage is ending and he is in love you, it will work out. I am living with that mentality right now. It is so hard - but staying is harder.
Thanks for responding. No, we do not work together. He is on some committees in our town. Which is where the recommendation came from. We do not see each other daily, but we do speak daily. We see each other 2 or three days a week. I can't imagine not seeing him. I have tried NC so many times and just gave in. So, you think I should not give him the time he is asking (with contact) and tell him NC until he gets with the program? Does that mean no phone calls, nothing? I know in my heart that makes good sense. I love him so much. Your right about being good to myself. It just confuses me that NC would be good for myself when he makes me so happy.